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رایتینگهای تصحیحشده داروسازی OET
رایتینگهای تصحیحشده داروسازی OET
در این بخش، مجموعهای از رایتینگهای تصحیحشده داروسازی مرتبط با آزمون OET ارائه شده است. این نمونهها از نوشتههای واقعی داوطلبان داروسازی OET انتخاب شده و توسط تیم آموزشی ما بهصورت دقیق اصلاح شدهاند.
هر رایتینگ شامل اصلاحات کاربردی در گرامر، واژگان تخصصی داروسازی و ساختار استاندارد نامهنویسی OET است و به شما کمک میکند نوشتاری شفاف، حرفهای و متناسب با نقش داروساز ارائه دهید.
بررسی این نمونهها به شما کمک میکند با معیارهای نمرهدهی آشنا شوید و آمادگی مؤثرتری برای بخش Writing آزمون OET داروسازی کسب کنید.
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7 پاسخ ها
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▇ Errors ▇ Suggestions ▇ Rephrased
RE: Ms. Alexia Rollinson
Dear Dr Windwood
I am writing to refer Ms. Alexia Rollinson, a 45-year-old single woman who works as an accountant(,) to you about (for) assessing our decision regarding her diet plan.
هدف نوشتن نامه “بررسی تصمیمات شما در مورد رژیم غذایی بیمار” نیست. در واقع ارجاع بیمار به GP (از اونجا که بیمار هنوز GP نداره) برای ارجاع به متخصص تغذیه هست. و خلاصه ای از توصیه هایی که شما به بیمار داشتید:
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explain your discussion and advice, including a suggestion for consulting a dietitian.
بنابراین بهتر است به شکل زیر نگارش شود:
I am writing to refer Ms. Alexia Rollinson, a 45-year-old single accountant (خلاصه تر), to you for further management of her diet, including a referral to a dietitian.
Today, she presented to our pharmacy to collect her repeat medication and ( . “full stop here”) during our conversation she asked for diet advice. She was diagnosed with hypertension, hypercholesterolemia and vitamin D deficiency since (in) 2011 and ( . “full stop here”) has a blood pressure of 147/100 which has been taken in our pharmacy today. She is currently on Betaloc 100mg twice a day, Lipitor 20mg and Ostevit-D 1000iu one (once) a day in the morning. She (recently) moved to this area one month ago and didn’t not (has not) yet has (registered with) a doctor (GP).
Rephrased: Her blood pressure, measured in our pharmacy today, was 147/100
She is on a weight loss diet plan and also start (has also started) her own exercise (.) but (however,) due to the (a) lack of progress, she has been frustrated (feels frustrated) now. Based on the information above, I provided her (with) some free booklet about healthy diet and(1) exercise like (a) council brochure on walking tracks and(2) (as well as) local gymnasiums and sports groups.
I write (am writing) this letter based on her request about referring her to a local doctor to refer her to a dietitian. I would appreciate it if you could helps (assist) her regarding (with) her request and assess our decision about her diet تکراری. If you have any more (further) questions please do not hesitate to contact me.
Yours sincerely
Pharmacist
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Purpose 2/3
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Content 5/7
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Clarity 5/7
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Genre & Style 4/7
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Organization and layout 5/7
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Language 3/7
C+ Overall score: (320)
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▇ Errors ▇ Suggestions ▇ Rephrased
Re: Ms. Sarah King
Dear Dr. Smythe
I am writing regarding Ms. Sara king (the) medication assessment, a 41-year-old married woman (,)who has two daughters and works in a call center as a manager. (as a manager in call center)
She is our long-term customer and has been suffering from SLE since childhood and( . “full stop here”) also has a family history of type two diabetes. She has been taking Indomethacin 25-5 mg and Hydroxychloroquine sulfate since childhood(,) in addition of (to) Cytoxan and Prednisolone since 2020 for her SLE. (new paragraph)One week ago, she had an appointment with her doctor and mentioned trouble sleeping, general fatigue, joint pain and headache and asked him about (expressed concerns about) long-term side effects of steroids. Her doctor diagnosed that she has an stress and also her SLE has been flare-up. He advised her to try rest and reduce working time. He told her about (explained) the benefits of steroids weight (outweighing) the side effects. (use passive voice)
*in addition to
*rephrased: Her doctor diagnosed stress and a flare-up of her SLE.Today, she presented to our pharmacy and requested for an over the counter sleeping tablet( . “full stop here”) and told me about (During our conversation, she mentioned…) her last appointment with her doctor and her frustration about (a/the) lack of progress. She told me (She shared that) she has been (feeling) moody and irritable with her children and has been experiencing anxiety because of her (the) long term use of the steroids and her decision about reducing prednisolone (,) which was started from one week ago and wants to starting (to start: simple form of the verb after “to”) the sleeping tablets contrary to her doctor’s advice.
I advised her that suddenly starting and stop (stopping) the prednisolone may led (may lead) to some (potential) side effects but she did not change her mind and asked me (requested) to inform her GP about her decision. I would appreciate it if you could assess her decision and manage her medication safely. If you have any more (further ) questions, please do not hesitate to contact me.
Yours sincerely
Pharmacist
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Purpose 2.5/3
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Content 5/7
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Clarity 4/7
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Genre & Style 3/7
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Organization and layout 5/7
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Language 5/7
B Overall score: (350)
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Pharmacist Writing
▇ Errors ▇ Suggestions ▇ Rephrased
Dear Mr. James Berrisford,
✅I hope this letter finds you well. I am writing to provide an update regarding your father, Mr. Arthur Berrisford, following his discharge after (having/undergoing) laparoscopic cholecystectomy surgery two days ago.
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Remove “surgery” since “cholecystectomy” already implies a surgical procedure.
Your father attended (presented) to (the) hospital with complaints of chronic abdominal pain two days ago*. Further observations revealed stones in his gallbladder. Given his symptoms and observations, Laparoscopy was performed.
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it is generally better to place the time clause before the reason clause:
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“Your father presented to the hospital two days ago with complaints of chronic abdominal pain.“
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“Laparoscopy was performed” → “Laparoscopic cholecystectomy was performed” (specifies the procedure accurately).
✅His discharge medication includes, Co-codamol 5mg/300mg one or two tablets every 4 hours (for a) maximum five days post-surgery. After 5 days, It is crucial to change taking (change from) Co-codamol to Paracetamol. While your father is recovering and pain reduces, it is advisable to reduce the Paracetamol intake.
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Missing info: Co-codamol for pain relief
As you are living with your father and you are the only caregiver that he has, it is essential to monitor his condition and symptoms. He may experience common side effects of Co-codamol such as nausea, vomiting, constipation, light-headedness, or dizziness, which are temporary and they will disappear after his body adjusts to his (the) medication. However, if he experiences sleep apnea, hallucinations, or any severe symptoms, you should seek medical advice promptly.
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The second “you” is redundant and unnecessary because it repeats the subject
Should you have any questions or require further guidance, please feel free to contact me.
Yours sincerely,
Erfan Moradi
Pharmacist
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Purpose: 3/3
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Content: 5/7
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Clarity & consciousness: 5/7
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Genre & Style: 6/7
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Organization and layout 6/7
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Language 5/7
B Overall score: (420)
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Pharmacist Writing
▇ Errors ▇ Suggestions ▇ Rephrased
Dear Dr. Pulford
Re: Ms. Catherine Wilsdale, Allergic Reaction Review
✅I hope this letter finds you well. I am writing to express my concerns regarding Ms. Wilsdale’s allergic flare up. She is (a) 64-year-old patient who presented to my pharmacy with complaints of headache, blocked nose, diarrhoea, cramps, and nausea, which had initiated 2 hours before (before her visit). She also reported (that) it (this) is the third time in the last month and she is (was) concerned regarding frequency and duration of these attacks.
✅Ms. Wilsdale has a medical history of hypotension, arthritis, and chronic obesity. Her current medications include Midodrine 5 mg three times daily and Naproxen 750 mg four times daily. She has allergy history of gluten (a history of gluten allergy) (,) like (similar to) her sister. During our discussion, Ms. Wilsdale stated (that) she had not consumed gluten recently but she had eaten spaghetti bolognese including (with) gluten-free pasta one hour before symptoms started.
✅Given her symptoms, I suspect she is experiencing wheat allergy. I have recommended taking Antihistamines to help control (her/the) symptoms. I have also advised her to seek medical attention if (her/the) symptoms worsen and the benefits of consulting with you about possible wheat allergy. Additionally, I mentioned (emphasized) the importance of monitoring her diet in future to prevent reactions. (to prevent future reactions.)
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Rephrased: “I suspect she is experiencing wheat allergy” → “I suspect a possible wheat allergy”
I would appreciate your evaluation of her condition and assessment (of) her treatment approach.
Please do not hesitate to contact me should you require (any) further information regarding Ms. Wilsdale’s case.
Yours sincerely,
Erfan Moradi
Pharmacist
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Purpose: 3/3
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Content: 6/7
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Clarity & consciousness: 4/7
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Genre & Style: 4/7
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Organization and layout 6/7
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Language 5/7
B Overall score: (400)
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▇ Errors ▇ Suggestions ▇ Rephrased
Dear Miss Peele
Re: Smoking Cessation Options
I hope this letter finds you well. I am writing to provide summarized information regarding your smoking cessation.
Initially, there is (are) nicotine replacement therapy (options)(,) that includes cold turkey with a low percentage of successful quitting rate and NRT (NRT products)(,) which helps more people in their path. There is also nicotine patches that equals 10 cigarettes, meaning you should take (use) two of them or take oral products with it. Nicotine will start releasing after 2 hours and reach it peak’s (peak) within 4 to 6 hours.
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“with a low percentage of successful quitting rate” → “a low success rate”
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“Helps more people in their path”→ “more effective”
Additionally, there are oral products like (such as) gum, lozenges, and inhalers. Each bite from a gum equals to a cigarette puff. It is also advisable to avoid chewing continuously to prevent nicotine over release.(excessive nicotine release) Lozenge delivers more nicotine than gum and it is better to take (drink) water after it dissolves in your mouth. Furthermore, you can take (use) (an) inhaler(,) but there is a risk of becoming addicted to it and you should drink water after using (the) inhaler.
The last and the most successful option is (the) E-cigarette. It heats (a) liquid containing nicotine instead of burning tobacco or produce (producing) tar and carbon monoxide. The good news is it has a variety of models available and the size of (the) device can be adjusted. At first, you can take (use) smaller ones like (similar to) light cigarette.vThe most important thing is using proper (correct) strength of liquid to satisfy your craving. I should mention that it contains harmful products from smoking but at much lower levels.
Should you have any questions or require further guidance, feel free to reach out. I wish you a good luck with your smoking cessation (journey).
Yours sincerely,
Erfan Moradi
Pharmacist
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Purpose: 3/3
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Content: 6/7
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Clarity & consciousness: 3/7
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Genre & Style: 4/7
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Organization and layout 5/7
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Language 4/7
B Overall score: (360)
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▇ Errors ▇ Suggestions ▇ Rephrased
Dear Dr. Pulford
Re: Ms. Catherine Wilsdale
✅I am writing to provide information regarding your patient, Ms. Wilsdale , following our discussion and recommendations at the pharmacy.
✅She presented to my pharmacy on 23/03/23 and reported symptoms such as (including) headache, (a) blocked nose, diarrhea, cramps and nausea. She requested medication to relieve her symptoms.
✅Upon inquiry, she mentioned that she had experienced these symptoms 3 times in the last month and she was concerned about their frequency and duration.She stated that she has a gluten allergy but she hasn’t (had not) consumed gluten. Although, (no comma) she has consumed gluten-free pasta, after that she has experienced symptoms. She also has a family history of gluten allergy and coeliac disease.
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“Although, she has consumed…” → هم از نظر ساختار هم زمان اشتباهه؛ بهتره سادهتر و گذشته بیاری.
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“after that she has experienced” → اشتباه؛ باید “experienced” یا “had experienced” باشه.
She stated that she has a gluten allergy but had not consumed gluten. However, she reported that after eating gluten-free pasta, she experienced symptoms.
✅I recommended taking antihistamines to decrease her symptoms and** if her symptoms getting worse (worsen) contact her doctor. I (also) advised her that it is crucial to monitor her future diet and discuss to the dietitian regarding her wheat allergy. (missing: suspected a possible wheat allergy.)
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❌ “discuss to the dietitian regarding her wheat allergy” → ✅ “discuss her wheat allergy with a dietitian”
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✅Discuss something with someone.
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** I recommended taking … and to contact her doctor if symptoms worsen
✅I would greatly appreciate it if you could investigate her possible wheat allergy, I will also inform her Gp about our discussion.
✅If you have any questions, do not hesitate to contact me.
Yours sincerely,
Mahboobe Etaat
Pharmacist
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Purpose: 3/3
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Content: 4/7
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Clarity & consciousness: 4/7
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Genre & Style: 5/7
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Organization and layout: 6/7
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Language 4/7
B Overall score: (380)
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▇ Errors ▇ Suggestions ▇ Rephrased
Dear parent
✅I am writing to provide you with information regarding an outbreak of head lice at (the) school. Head lice are a common condition among children in school and it’s (are not) not related to poor hygiene.
In terms of treatment, you should apply a large (generous) amount of hair conditioner and leave for 20 minutes. Wet comb hair with fine-toothed comb should be used(X) to divide (the) hair into 3 or(to) 4cm sections. You can wipe (the) comb with (a) paper towel and repeat it for twice (repeat twice). Wet combing method should be used for 10 to 14 days.
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A fine-toothed comb should be used to wet-comb the hair
✅There are some products (treatments) such as Maldison, Permethrin and Pyrethrins to treat head lice. These treatments should be used based on (according to)(the) instructions and repeated after 7 to 10 days. (the) Wet comb (wet-combing) method should be used weekly for several weeks after cure to prevent recurrence.
✅Please wash your hands after lice treatment and wash pillow cases, combs and brushes in hot soapy water. You should also treat (your) family if you observe any live lice. You should avoid using blow-dry hair (using a hair dryer) as it may spread lice.
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Blow-dry hair : V+Noun
✅I hope this information helps you to prevent disease and (to) inform school about this disease. Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have further questions.
Yours faithfully,
Pharmacist(Persistent head lice/ if treatment fails? / visit a doctor)
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Purpose: 3/3
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Content: 4/7 Clarity & consciousness: 4/7
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Genre & Style: 5/7
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Organization and layout 6/7
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Language 4/7
B Overall score: (370)
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