[Siavash Zare]

“رایتینگ شماره 1 پزشکی”

I am writing to refer Ms. Hall, a 45-year-old patient who has been demonstrating signs and symptoms seggestive (suggestive) of gastro-esophageal reflux with a possible stricture. 

 

Ms. Hall first attended my clinic on 18/05/2018 reporting dysphagia following consumption of solid foods as well as (simply use “and”) concomitant epigastric pain which radiated to T12 level on (in) the back. She also stated that she had (has) lost 1-2kg of weight.

 

Regarding her medical history, she has had (an) upper respiratory tract infection (for) two previous weeks for which she took over-the-counter Chinese herbal products with unknown contents.

 

In terms of her social history, although (unnecessary use of “although”) she drinks occasionally, she has not smoked since 2002. May I remind you that the patient has a positive family history for (of) peptic ulcer disease. 

Suggest: she is a social drinker

 

Therefore, as my provisional diagnosis is gastroesophageal reflux with possible stricture, advice on reduction of coffee and alcohol consumption and avoiding taking over-the-counter products was (were) given. She was also commenced on pantoprazole 40mg daily.

 

I would greatly appreciate it if you could consider further investigation and assessment for difinite (definite) diagnosis of this patient’s condition. Please don’t hesitate to contact me should you have any queries.

 

Yours sincerely,

[Siavash Zare]

“رایتینگ شماره 2 پزشکی”

I am writing to refer Mr. Poulos, a 45-year-old stockbroker whose “”signs and symptoms are suggestive of low back pain along with radiculopathy.“”

 

Suggest: signs and symptoms are suggestive of …. (should write an illness or a disease such as: o) 

 

Mr. Poulos first attended my surgery on 21/06/2014 suffering from severe low back pain which had started 2 days previously (prior). He stated that the pain had been(was: should use passive form) provoked by lifting heavy loggage (luggage, “logs” means: الوار) while rotating at the same time. Then, had taken Panadeine forte to alleviate the pain.(move to the next paragraph) His initial examination was unremarkable apart from restricted lumbar movements in flexion and extension. Therefore, he was prescribed analgesics and was advised to take time off work. In addition, a weekly review was scheduled.

 

On the next 2 visits, despite the above–mentioned treatments,(the pain) not only the pain has(was) not been controlled (use past continuous: was not being controlled) but also has extended: has been extending) to the right leg and he has developed a tingling sensation in his right calf. Moreover, according to examinations performed(unnecessary ), he has developed signs of spinal compression.

Comment: very long and confusing sentence too read! It is not necessary to write in a such a complex way. Remember this is not IELTS exam!

 

May I remind you that(never use this language when writing to a healthcare pro, instead you can say: please note) the patient is allergic to pethidine, penicillins and an unspecific radiographic contrast agent (possibly iodine). 

 

In the light of the above, my provisional diagnosis is low back pain with radiculopathy of probable discogenic origin. For this reason, I believe the patient needs an MRI to confirm the diagnosis. Your advice on the possibility of surgery will be greatly appreciated.

 

For any queries, contact me, please.

 

Yours sincerely,

doctor

[Siavash Zare]

“رایتینگ شماره 3 پزشکی”

Re: Eleanor Bennet

DOB: 06/12/1975

 

I am writing to refer a 45-year-old woman, who is reluctant to make life style (lifestyle) changes and is non-compliant to start new medications despite having had a heart attack on 08/02/2021.

 

Suggest: I am writing to refer Ms. Bennet, a 45-year-old divorced woman,…

 

Ms. Bennet showed signs and symptoms of heart attack at the airport on 08/02/2021. Fortunately,a defibrillator was applied by a first-aider and after 75 minutes she was admitted at Oakville General Hospital in which she undergone (underwent) a balloon-expanding stenting procedure emergently (no need to mention). The patient was discharged a week later on prescribed medications including captopril 50mg twice a day and atorvastatin 80mg daily as well as a referral for cardiac rehabilitation sessions in which she did not attend. In addition, she was advised to have 4 weeks off work and consider lifestyle changes.

 

On review 3 months later, she reported some disturbing side effects of captopril making her nervous. Therefore,” not only she did (did she) not agree to continue captopril, but also refused to be commenced on new medications. ”

Suggest:she not only did not agree to continue captopril,but also refused to be commenced on new medications. ”

 

 

In terms of her medical history, she smokes 20 cigarettes per day, does little exercise and is overweight. Moreover, she has increased alcohol consumption since 2019. 

 

Suggest: heavy smoker, physically inactive

 

Regarding her family history, it is worth mentioning that Mr. Bennet’s father has died of heart disease at the age of 53.

 

Given the above, your advice on lifestyle changes and reassessment of her medications is highly appreciated.

 Please do not hesitate to contact me should you have any queries.

 

Yours sincerely,

 

Doctor

 

Purpose:2.5/3

 

 

Content:6/7

Conciseness & Clarity:4.5/7

Genre & Style:4.5/7

Organization & Layout:6/7

Language: 4/7

Average:5.2

 

Overall: 7.5 x 50 = 375 : Band score B

 

improvements:

1-article errors 3x 😭

2-punctuation 2x 😟

3-verb tense error 1x😟

4- new vocabularies and synonyms: 😊 can improve

5-overuse of conjunctions and linking words 😕 not suggested in a medical referral letter

6-grammatical error: 2x 😕

[Siavash Zare]

“Candidate Mock Test Writing“

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrase

Director of the Repatriation
General hospital
216 road
Daw park 5041
24 May 2009
Dear director
Re: Diane Carpenter (58-year-old)

😊I am writing to update you and review the treatment plan of Mrs.Carpenter, who is being discharged today following admission to the hospital with a diagnose (diagnosis) of small patches in her left lung and lung resection because of that. (which required a lung resection)

I am writing to update you and review the treatment plan of Mrs. Carpenter, a 58-year-old woman who is admitted to our hospital with a diagnosis of small patches in her left lung, which required a lung resection. She is now ready to be discharged.

 

Regarding her medical history, she has had breast cancer since 1988 and she had a total mastectomy, for which she takes tamoxifen. In addition she has a general anxiety disorder that she occasionally uses medication for it.

“Regarding her medical history, Mrs. Carpenter has been dealing with breast cancer since 1988, leading to a total mastectomy, for which she is currently taking tamoxifen. Additionally, she has been diagnosed with a general anxiety disorder for which she occasionally uses medication.”

 

🥴️On 10 May 2009’s admission, Mrs.Carpenter came to the hospital with dyspneas for a month and pneumonia for 4 days.

During hospitalization, antibiotic and oxygen therapy were prescribed for her and also we helped her for having (to have) a good diet. In addition initially physiotherapy was carried out for (to) her.

During hospitalization, she was prescribed antibiotic and oxygen therapy, and we also assisted her in maintaining a nutritious diet. Additionally, physiotherapy was initially administered for her.

According to Mrs.Carpenter’s discharge plan, she should continue her physiotherapy to improve her mobilization and also she have (has) to visit a psychiatrist for her coping problem. Also she should make a chemotherapy appointment in (on) 6/6/2009. Her medications (antibiotic and tamoxifen) have to be monitored accuracy (accurately).

I would appreciate it if you could adhere to her discharge plan and follow up treatment. Should you require more information, feel free to contact me.☹️ inappropriate request

your faithfully,
Dr. @198907774857 

• Purpose 2/3

• Content 5/7

• Clarity 3/7

• Genre & Style 5/7

• Organization and layout 4/7

• Language 4/7  

Band-Score: C

رایتینگ پیشنهادی:

 

I am writing to update you and review the treatment plan of Mrs. Carpenter, a 58-year-old woman who is admitted to our hospital with a diagnosis of small patches in her left lung, which required a lung resection. She is now ready to be discharged.

Mrs. Diane Carpenter, aged 58, was admitted to the intensive care unit at Flinders Medical Centre on 10 May 2009 following a lung resection due to complications related to her previous history of breast cancer. She is now recovering from pneumonia, which has been successfully treated with antibiotics and ventilation. However, her progress has been hindered by slow mobility and evident psycho-social difficulties in coping with her health condition. 

 

Mrs. Carpenter’s medical history includes a mastectomy in 1988 and a positive response to tamoxifen until 2009. Her current needs involve ongoing physiotherapy, encouragement for mobilization, initiation of psychiatrist visits for coping strategies, and scheduled chemotherapy appointments at Flinders Medical Centre starting from 6/6/09. She requires a supportive and multidisciplinary care approach due to her complex medical history. 

 

Considering the specialized care facilities and expertise available at General Hospital, I kindly request the transfer of Mrs. Carpenter to ensure she receives the necessary care and support required for her continued treatment and recovery.

 

Please let me know if any additional information or documentation is required regarding Mrs. Carpenter’s case.

 

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrase

I am writing to request your urgent assessment and care of Mrs.Macintyre,a 39-year-old mother’s of two children (mother of two) who has a (with a) family history of severe pre-eclampsia in (during) her first pregnancy lead to result in (leading to) an emergency Cesarean Section at 32 weeks of gestation. She has had two miscarriages.✅

Today,she presented at my clinic due to (after) her positive pregnancy test.She reported her last menstrual period (*as) two months ago. In addition,She has had (has been experiencing) irritated urination for three days. On her examination, abdomen was non-tender and her fundus was non palpable. However, her urine dipstick showed moderate levels of protein and nitrites along with slight traces of blood✅.She was prescribed Cephalexin 250 mg 6 hourly for five days due to suspicious urinary tract infection based on her symptoms and the urine dipstick result✅.she was commence (on) tinzaparin 3.500 units daily subcutaneously,and the midstream urine specimen was ordered.

Please note,I have commenced folic Acid 400 mg daily and have recommended a nuchal translucency scan in order to (to) rule out Down’s syndrome.✅

I would be grateful for your urgent attention to her condition. Please let me know if you need further information✅

Yours Sincerely,

Doctor

 

• Purpose 2/3

• Content 6/7

• Clarity 5/7

• Genre & Style 6/7

• Organization and layout 5/7

• Language 5/7  

Overall: 380

Band-Score: B

 

@rosha

[Siavash Zare]

𝓦𝓻𝓲𝓽𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓒𝓸𝓻𝓻𝓮𝓬𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrase

18. june.2o18

Re: MS.Anne Hal, D.O.B 19th Sep 1972

 

1️⃣Thank you for seeing Ms.Anne Hall, a 50-year-old woman Who is presenting to me with signs and symptoms of gastro-oesophageal reflux and is complaining of epigastric pain which is radiating to her back. I am referring the patient to you for further investigation and an Endoscopy.✅well done

 

3️⃣Regarding her past medical history, She takes aspirin 2_3 times a month and drinks socially (is a social drinker) but she is not a smoker (does not smoke). Please note, the patient has a family history of peptic ulcer and is allergic to codeine, dust mites, and sulfur dioxide, and recently she lost 1-2 kg of weight.✅

 

⬆️⬇️Replace these two paragraphs (remember: write more important information first)

 

2️⃣Initially, Ms hall came to see me on 18.6.2018 with a complaint of dysphagia for solid, which started following self-medication of an unknown Chinese herbal product (after she self-medicated with an unknown Chinese herbal remedy) for treating an upper respiratory tract infection two weeks ago. she has also increased coffee consumption.✅

 

4️⃣In view of the above, I believe the patient has (might suffer from) gastro-oesophageal reflux with possible stricture due to the above information. Ms Hall was referred to a gastroenterologist for further Investigation. (Consequently, I am referring Ms. Hall to you, a gastroenterologist, for further investigation into her condition.)❌

 

5️⃣I would appreciate it if you could manage the patient. If you have any queries, please do not hesitate to contact me.

 

Yours Sincerely,

Doctor

 

• Purpose 3/3

• Content 6/7

• Clarity 4/7

• Genre & Style 4/7

• Organization and layout 4/7

• Language 5/7  

Overall: 360 – 360

Band-Score: 🅱️

@effat-torabi

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrase

Re: Mrs.Alison Martin, aged 25 years.

I am writing to request your further evaluation and management of Mrs.Martin,a 25-year-old woman whose features are consistent with a schizophrenia and associated disorders. She has a family history of Schizophrenia in her uncle, which is controlled (by/with) Risperidone. She has been (a) patient at my clinic for 10 years.

Initially, on 09/01/2020, Mrs. Martin presented with appearance well groomed *1 (a well-gloomed appearance), who complaining (complained) of tiredness, (a) slightly down mood that she frequently scratched off her hair, and had a low-grade fever. Based on her examination, She was advised to start regular exercise and more relax (and implement more relaxation techniques). However, Two weeks later, she noticed symptoms of paranoia and was suffering from poor sleep, anxiety, and intermittently headache (intermittent headache). Moreover, Mrs. Martin’s mood has mildly depressed with a  little (a limited) eye contact. Therefore, relaxation therapy were (was) recommended and Diazepam 10 mg nocte was prescribed.*2

*1: irrelavant information

*2: However, two weeks later, she began experiencing symptoms of paranoia, poor sleep, anxiety, intermittent headaches, and exhibited a mildly depressed mood with limited eye contact. Consequently, relaxation therapy was recommended, and Diazepam 10 mg nocte was prescribed.

Today, she returned with(1) her husband with(2) worsening of her symptoms with(3) a 5 days history of pausing speech, slow reactions, and some hallucination and illusuion. Her mood has depressed. regarding her probable diagnosis of Mrs.Martin, I planned to  refer her to a Psychiatrist.*3

*3: Given the concerning symptoms, I intend to refer Mrs. Martin to a psychiatrist for further evaluation and diagnosis.”

I would appreciate it if you could assess and manage of Mrs.Martin as you deem appropriate. Should you require more information, feel free to contact me.

 

Yours Sincerely,

• Purpose 2/3

• Content 5/7

• Clarity 3/7

• Genre & Style 4/7

• Organization and layout 5/7

• Language 3/7

Overall: C+ (300)

✍️Suggestion: work on the grammatical error mentioned above and you will be able to perfectly write a band B OET writing😊

@rose

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrase

 

Dear Dr.Wright,

Re: Mrs.Sandra Marcus, D.O.B:15/January/1983.

I am writing to refer Mrs.Marcus, a 36–year–old single mom who is suffering from multi_nodular goiter, which was diagnosed 5 months ago. She requires urgent attention to rule out the possibility of malignancy. ✔️well done

Initially, on 05/July/2019, she presented at my clinic with a two-month history of a painless neck swelling. On her neck examination, a painless anterior neck swelling 2*2cm in size, which moved with deglutition was observed, and any lymph nodes were not palpable. In addition, CVS, RS, and ABD examinations were unremarkable. 

On review of the requested test results two weeks later, the thyroid function test was normal. However, the ultrasound revealed multiple nodules with bilateral calcification. *Although I advised to arranged an appointmet with a surgical intervention for her,she reluctant to do so.

*Although I advised arranging an appointment for her with a surgical intervention, she was reluctant to do so.

Today, Mrs. Marcus returned after defaulting her an appointment and she reported that increased swelling along with difficulty in swallowing and hoarseness of voice. Upon examination, I noticed that the size of the thyroid is increased and is firm with limited morbidity as well as enlarged lymph nodes on the right side.✔️

Regarding her medical history and family history, Mrs. Marcus suffers from asthma for which she receives a Ventolin inhaler.

**I would appreciate it if you could urgent assessmet and managemet this patient as you deem appropriate. Should you require further information, feel free to contact me.

**”I would appreciate it if you could urgently assess and manage this patient.” 

Yours Sincerely,

Doctor

• Purpose 3/3

• Content 5/7

• Clarity 4/7

• Genre & Style 4/7

• Organization and layout 5/7

• Language 4/7

Overall: B (370)

@rose

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrase

Re: Mr.John Elvin, aged 48 years

I am writing to request your urgent management (to urgently request your management) of Mr.Elvin, a 48-year-old man who has been suffering (is suffering*) from possible acute myocardial infarction(AMI) and acute exacerbation of asthma. He is a heavy smoker and drinker and has a history of mild asthma for which he takes serotide and salbutamol inhaler.

*Both “has been suffering” and “is suffering” are correct, but if you want to emphasize the current situation you better use “is suffering”

Today, he preseneted at my clinic with a complaint of a gradual onset of severe chest pain and a very audible wheeze, which has not improved by arginine. ECG revealed a slight ST elevation in anterior leads with S2 20 and a mild, slight S3 sound, and slight bilateral crepitation was observed. According to my provisional diagnosis of AMI, I prescribed a GTN patch, IV Morphin 5mg, Ipratropium Bromide 500mg via nebulizer, and frusmide 40mg as well as O2 15Lit via non_rebreather, and referred him for urgent treatment to the ED.

Initially (please note that), on 05/05/11 and two weeks later, he attended with symptoms suggesting of stable angina, viral upper respiratory tract infection, and has had worse in her symptoms of asthma (worsening of asthma symptoms). The exercise test showed slight ischemic changes and an elevated reading in cholesterol. Therefore, Lipitor, aspirin, and nitrite was (were) commenced.

I would greatly appreciate it if you could provide urgently evaluate (urgent evaluation) and care for this patient. Should you require further information, feel free to contact me.

Yours Sincerely,

Doctor  

• Purpose 2/3

• Content 5/7

• Clarity 4/7

• Genre & Style 5/7

• Organization and layout 5/7

• Language 4/7

Overall: (350) borderline

B

@rose

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrase

✅I am writing to refer Mrs. Alison Matin, a 28-year-old married teacher with 2 children who has clinical features suggestive of schizophrenia or possible associated disorder. Your further management would be appreciated.✔️well done

✅Initially, Mrs. Martin presented with complaining of tiredness, lack of motivation at work, and poor healthy (health)., Her examination was normal. However, the body temperature was 35. C. She was advised to relax and start doing exercise and maintaining a temperature chart. She was recommended that returning to a follow-up visit (She was recommended to return for a follow-up visit) . 

✅On the next visit, due to symptoms of mild depression and deterioration of her condition, Diazepam 10 mg at night was prescribed. She was advised to return in 2-weeks (two weeks) with her husband for counseling.

✅Mrs.Martin, attended today with her husband and reported visual and auditory hallucinations. Additionally, impairing of her relationship with her family. *along with impairment in her relationship with her family.

✅Regarding his past medical history, she has a family history of schizophrenia which is controlled by Respridon.

✅My provisional diagnosis is schizophrenia or associated disorder. Therefore, I am referring Mr.s for your further assessment and management.

Please do not hesitate to contact me if you require any queries.

• Purpose 3/3

• Content 6/7

• Clarity 6/7

• Genre & Style 5/7

• Organization and layout 5/7

• Language 5/7

Overall: (420) 

B+ ✨Absoulutelt Perfect✨ Good Job👍

@effat-torabi

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

 

WRITING TASK

Write a referral letter to Dr. Janine McArdle GP, University Medical Centre, St Lucia, summarising Mr. Ma’s condition and the follow-up care he requires.

Re: Mr Yanlin Ma (DOB:12/03/1986)

 

✅I am writing to refer Mr. Ma, an international student, who underwent cardiothoracic surgery due to aortic dissection and requires follow-up care under your supervision. 

 

🔃✅Regarding his social and family history, he is a smoker(5-6 cigarettes per day) and an overweight man (BMI 30) whose father died of an aortic aneurysm at the age of 44. On his medical history, he has had hypertension for which he is not on any medications. (In his medical history, he has* hypertension but is not currently taking any medications for it.) >> Use simple present if the patient is currently suffering

❌Initially, on 31/03/2019, he was admitted to the hospital complaining of severe chest and back pain for which a CT scan was ordered. The CT scan revealed a severely dilated ascending aorta and type-A dissection. Therefore, he was transferred to Spirit Hospital. (*capital letters for Names)

🔃✅On admission in (to) the Spirit Hospital, he had clinical pictures of acute pulmonary edema. On review of echocardiogram, aortic insufficiency and aortic valve incompetence were detected. Consequently, open chest surgery for repairing of dissection and aortic root replacement with a mechanical valve was performed. After surgery, his post-operation hypertension had been stabilized for the following three days, and he has also made a dramatic recovery. 

 

Regarding his discharge plan, he was advised to arrange appointments in three and six months’ time (from now) and he was also referred (where?) for monitoring of INR between 2.5-3.5*. Losing weight, quitting smoking,  practicing in the Toowong cardiac rehabilitation program, and discontinuing endone after pain management were recommended.  Please note that , his discharge medications include amoxicillin and clavulonic acid , amlodipine ,clonidine,isosorbide monotitrate , metoprolol, ramipril,tamezapem,oxycodone and pandol. 

*The INR should maintain between the range of 2.5 to 3.5
**It is advised not to name all medications, it is too wordy. You may write:
His discharge medications list is attached to this letter. (as you mentioned in the next paragraph!)

 

✅I would appreciate it if you could adhere to his discharge plan and the medication details enclosed with this letter and provide  follow-up care as you deem appropriate. Should you require further information,  please do not hesitate to contact me. 

 

Yours sincerely, 

 

Doctor

Too wordy! Total Words: approx 300: The highlighted sentences are not helpful (irrelevant) according to the writing task or are repeated

 

• Purpose 2/3

• Content 3/7

• Clarity 5/7

• Genre & Style 4/7

• Organization and layout 3/7

• Language 5/7

  C Overall score: (280)  

1️⃣Tutor note:

⚠️Remember, you need to include the information (only) that is important for the reader (according to the task!). In this example, you are writing the letter to:

1. Summarize his condition

• A short summary of the patient’s main complaint and the surgery

• Postoperative Recovery and Medication Information

2. Follow-up cares 

• Discharge Instructions and Follow-Up Care

• Referrals and Additional Recommendations

• Patient’s Medical History and Risk Factors

⚠️And exclude the information that is not necessary and wordy

• CT scan and the revealed abnormalities

• Echocardiogram

• All the patient’s symptoms during the hospitalization

• All Medications with names

 

2️⃣Tutor note:

⚠️Information Flow: The Second paragraph has summarized the patient’s social background, family history, … which should not be placed at the start of the letter and better mentioned in the last paragraph before the conclusion and request. Follow ISBAR approach

 

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

 

1✅I am writing to request your further management of Mrs Maclntyre, whose features are consistent with a high-risk pregnancy. 

 

2✅Regarding her obstetrics history, she is a 39-year-old mother of two who has had two miscarriages. During her first pregnancy, she developed severe pre-eclampsia, which resulted in a cesarean section at 32 weeks of pregnancy. She was hospitalized in the ICU and received magnesium sulfate and CPAP. Her second pregnancy was without complications (however). She has a family history of thrombosis associated with factor V Leiden’s deficiency, for which she was treated with prophylactic heparin during her two previous pregnancies. 

 

3✅On presentation today, she reported a positive home pregnancy test. Considering her last menstrual period(26/06/2019), she thinks (believes) that (she) is 8 weeks pregnant. She has also been complaining of dysuria for the last three days. On examination, her BP was within the normal range, and a urine dipstick revealed elevated readings in protein, nitrate, and blood. Based on her condition. 

 

4✅(Considering her condition), I prescribed folic acid ( 400 mcg daily),tinzaparine ( 3,500 U daily), and cefalexin (250mg 6 hourly for 5 days). Routine blood tests and urine specimens were taken. She (the patient/ Ms. Maclntyre) was advised on the importance of having routine screening to rule out fetal abnormalities. 

 

5✅I would appreciate it if you could manage her condition as you deem appropriate. Should you require more information, please feel free to contact me. 

 

Yours sincerely, 

 

Dr Sahand Zare 

 

• Purpose 3/3

• Content 4/7

• Clarity 4/7

• Genre & Style 5/7

• Organization and layout 4.5/7

• Language 5.5/7

  B Overall score: (360)  

@700001918518

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Re: Ammar Moustafawy ( DOB: 15/01/61 )

 

1✅I am writing to request your urgent management of Mr Moustafawy, whose features are consistent with a liver abscess.✅

2✅Mr Moustafawy is a 56-year-old heavy smoker and heavy drinker, who works on rotation and has regular overseas holidays. He recently came back from the Philippines. He has an irrelevant (no relevant) family and past medical history and is not on any medications. 

3✅Initially, two days ago, Mr Moustafawy presented complaining of weakness, lack of appetite, and lack of energy (lack of appetite and energy)  over the previous three days. During examinations, he was not jaundiced and his vital signs were normal. However, tenderness on the right upper quadrant of the abdomen was detected. Despite feeling nauseous, he did not report vomiting. Therefore, I recommended following a healthy diet and prescribed vitamin B complex tablets and essential forte capsules Lovely😊👍

4✅Today, Mr Moustafawy’s condition has deteriorated with chills and rigors. He also reported a food intolerance, along with dark-colored urine. On examinations, he was febrile (39°c), jaundiced, and dehydrated. A tender liver was palpated. However, there was no evidence of ascites. On review of the requested tests, there is 2+ urobilinogin in the urine tests, leukocytoses, and elevated serum bilirubin. A clearly compromised liver enzymes was (were) detected. The ultrasound was found (detected: active form) hepatomegaly with a 10×10 cm cystic lesion in the right lobe. (Therefore) I commenced him on IV fluids, Rocephin, and Flagyl and planned to refer him.

5✅I would appreciate it if you could assess and manage his condition urgently, including (considering*) an ultrasound-guided drainage. Should you require more information, feel free to contact me.

Yours sincerely,

Dr Peter Smith 

Word count: 220  words

• Purpose 3/3

• Content 6/7

• Clarity 5/7

• Genre & Style 4/7

• Organization and layout 4/7

• Language 6/7

  B Overall score: (390)

@Sahand_zre

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Sir/Madam,

 

Re: Cathy Jones (25 years old)

 

I am writing to refer, a 25-year-old single female suspected of an ectopic pregnancy, requiring urgent surgical or medical interventions. (assessment)

Initially, she presented to me yesterday with hypogastric pain, particularly in her right iliac fossa. Mild tenderness was noted in the right iliac fossa without rebound or guarding. On gynecological examination, slight tenderness in her right fornix was observed. Her last menstrual period was inconclusive due to irregular bleeding after starting a contraceptive pill. ✅Nice

Today, her pain has worsened, accompanied by slight vaginal bleeding overnight. Examination shows increased tenderness in the right iliac fossa with rebound and guarding. Vital signs are normal. (and) Pregnancy test is positive.

She has a new partner and has been taking a progesterone pill for 2 months (and has some irregular bleeding since then) , although she has a family history of deep vein thrombosis.

 

Thank you for promptly assessing her for ectopic pregnancy.

 

Please contact me for any further information.

 

Faithfully,

 

Dr. Sally Browen

 

• Purpose 3/3

• Content 4/7

• Clarity 6/7

• Genre & Style 5/7

• Organization and layout 6/7

• Language 5/7

  B Overall score: (410)

@نور

 

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Doctor 

Regarding:Ms Cathy Jones ,(aged 25) 

Thank you for accepting this patient,a 25-year-old single receptionist, who requires urgent specialist assistant (assistance) due to (a) provisional diagnosis of an ectopic pregnancy. 

Initially, she presented to me yesterday evening complaining of lower abdominal pain (,) which was more prominent on (the) right side overnight(?). While* she was unsured (unsure) about (her) last menstrual period, she reported that she has had (reported experiencing) irregular bleeding since starting. (starting of? unclear). On examination, I observed mild right iliac fossa tenderness with no evidence of rebound or guarding, and vital signs was (were) stable. 

*While: indicates contrast. No contrast is needed here. Use “and” instead

• Rephrased: She was unsure about her last menstrual period and reported experiencing irregular bleeding

On review today, she reported that the pain has been worsened (had worsened) during (the) night along with slight vaginal bleeding. Examination revealed severe tenderness in (the) right iliac fossa, this time with guarding and rebound tenderness. Additionally, on vaginal examination (,) right fornix tenderness was observed.  Pregnancy test is positive while (the) urine dipstick is clear. 

Please notice (please note), she had (has: fact=simple present) a family history of deep vein thrombosis and started pop (write in capital letters:POP) for two months previously that she had new partner**. 

**rephrase to “…two months ago, prior to having a new partner”

In view of the above, I would appreciate your assessment and attention to her condition. 

Should you need further information don’t hesitate to contact me. 

 

Yours sincerely 

 

Yours Sincerely

• Purpose 3/3

• Content 5/7

• Clarity 4/7

• Genre & Style 4/7

• Organization and layout 5/7

• Language 3/7

  B Overall score: (360)

@dr-shamila