[Morteza Azari]

ببخشید یکی دو سوال دیگه هم داشتم چون زمان کمه.

برای laxatives حتما باید use استفاده کرد؟ take و consume ایراد داره؟

کلمه unnoticeable غیررسمی هست یا کلا اشتباه؟

و اینکه کلمه lacking به عنوان فعل اشتباهه؟

بازم ممنون

[Siavash Zare]

استفاده از “use” برای “laxatives”:

• به‌طور معمول “use” برای “laxatives” رایج‌تر است، چون به معنی مصرف یا به‌کار بردن دارو است.
• “Take” هم می‌تواند صحیح باشد، مخصوصاً زمانی که اشاره به مصرف دارو دارید.
  • مثال: “Take the laxatives as prescribed.”
• “Consume” کمتر در مورد داروها استفاده می‌شود، مگر اینکه به‌طور خاص بخواهید از این واژه برای اشاره به غذا یا مایعات استفاده کنید.
  • مثال: “She consumed the laxatives with water.

کلمه “unnoticeable” نه غیررسمی است نه اشتباه، به معنی “غیرقابل توجه” یا “غیر قابل مشاهده” است. unremrkable جایگزین بهتری برای منظور شما است. اما کاربرد دارد مثل:

• • “The symptoms were unnoticeable at first.”

کلمه “lacking” مصدر و اسم است و استفاده درستی در قالب فعل صورت نگرفته. جمله‌ی صحیح به این شکل خواهد بود:

• “with a lack of sufficient bowel movements once or twice a week.”

[Siavash Zare]

 

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Mr. Berrisford 

I am writing this letter regarding to (the) home care and management of your father‘s medication, which (who)  is underwent gallbladder surgery two days ago.

1. the correct phrase is “regarding”, without “to.”

2. is underwent (is undergone: present tense) >> was underwent: past tense

3. Rephrased: …., following his gallbladder surgery two days ago.

Mr. Berrisford underwent surgery due to the finding of stones in his gallbladder (due to gallstones), which was observed with abdominal pain. In (during) the recovery process he needs to take painkillers including 1 to 2 Co-codamol 5mg/300mg tablets every 4 hours for 5 days after discharge date. During the first day (on the first day) after discharged (discharge) if pain is severe, it could be use (used:passive) every 3 hours. After 5 days the paracetamol 500mg needs to (should) be used instead of Co-codamol as a painkiller, which could be taken every 3 hours per day until the pain is gone away. (until the pain subsides)

The common side-effects that he could (may/can) experiences are nausea, vomiting, constipation, light-headaches and dizziness (,) but the rare side-effects that could be appeared (may occur) is sleep apnea, hallucination, abdominal discomfort, difficulties urination, loss of appetite, unusual tiredness and weight loos (loss), which in these cases please contact me.

 Rephrased: If any of these occur, please contact me promptly.

I would appreciate you for the home care of Mr. Berrisford (caring your father)if you need any further information please do not hesitate and to contact call me. (hesitate to call me)

 

Your sincerely

• Purpose 2.5/3

• Content 5/7

• Clarity 4/7

• Genre & Style 4/7

• Organization and layout 6/7

• Language 4/7

  C+ Overall score: (320) 

@928685810046

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Dr Omar,

Re: Somarni Khaez (DOB: 12/04/1972)

I am writing to request (an) evaluation and follow-up assessment of (for) Mrs Somrani Khaez whose features are consistent with breast cancer.  She has 4 children and her sister was diagnosed with breast cancer 7 years ago, for which she underwent a radical mastectomy.  The patient also had a right breast lump 5 years ago, managed by (with a) lumpectomy.✅

• Managed by a Medication 

• Managed with a procedure

Initially, Mrs Khaez presented at my clinic on 22/10/2018, complaining of a left breast lump (that had been present) for the previous 6 months.  On examination, a 2×2 cm irregular(,) painless lump on the left breast, with (along with) a palpable(,) mobile axillary lymphadenopathy were detected.  She returned 2 weeks later to discuss the results of the ordered breast ultrasound and mammography, which revealed a (an) 18×16 cm (mm?) nodule and left-side axillary ones (,)respectively.  Considering a possible malignancy, I planned a core biopsy, along with a 3 days follow-up appointment.✅

• left-sided axillary involvement?

Today, she attended the clinic with the pathology result, which indicated (confirmed) left breast invasive ductal carcinoma.✅

I would appreciate it if you could investigate her for a potential immediate reconstructive surgery, as you deem appropriate. Should you require more information, feel free to contact me.

Yours sincerely,

• Purpose 3/3

• Content 7/7

• Clarity 5/7

• Genre & Style 5/7

• Organization and layout 6/7

• Language 6/7

  B Overall score: (430) 

@morti

[Siavash Zare]

 

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Dr. Lovecence

I`m (I am) referring a regular patient of my clinic, Mr Frank Mardsen, a single 46-year-old (single) full-time Electrician, with Penicillin allergy, who moved to Brisbane last year and has not a General Practitioner since. I offered to introduce him to you to have close medical supervision and he (has) agreed.

• “Has not a” is incorrect  >> “not yet registered”

•  for closer medical supervision 

• with Penicillin allergy: بهتر است در پاراگراف ها (ترجیحا انتها) اشاره شود و نه در مقدمه

He is a known case of Hypertension from (for the past) 3 years ago, presenting (with) G(g)eneralized gingival hypertrophy as a common side effect of long-term consuming of D(d)iltiazem which possibility(?) of replacing previous drug is the main reason of this referral.
Rephrased: 
The primary reason for this referral is to evaluate the possibility of replacing the current medication.

درخواست نامه (هدف) بهتر است در انتها میامد.

He is a heavy smoker with alcohol dependency(,) which led to (prompted) his attendance to (at) related support groups which may not be efficient due to his alcohol breath in (the) last several appointments. We (I) (have) strongly recommended him to reduce usage of cigarette and alcohol but your professional guidance could (may) be required.

Rephrased: 
as he has presented with alcohol breath during several recent appointments.

Please do not hesitate to contact me for any further questions.

Your Sincerely

 

• Purpose 2/3

• Content 5/7

• Clarity 5/7

• Genre & Style 5/7

• Organization and layout 3/7

• Language 5/7

  C+ Overall score: (330) 

@989122801193

[Siavash Zare]

 

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Mrs. Holly Kerr

 I am writing this letter regarding the management of your mother(‘s) medication regime (regimen), who has been discharged today following her recent femur fracture treatment. (following treatment for her recent femur fracture.)

When she was admitted (during hospitalization), she was on Zantac 150mg twice a day for her Gastro-esophageal (gastroesophageal) reflux disease (,) as well as Lipitor 20mg on an empty stomach for her cholesterol management. These medications should be continued as before.  The common side-effects (side effect) for Zantac include headache, abdominal discomfort, and rare central nervous system disturbances. The side- effects for Lipitor are similar, with the addition of (a) rash and flu-like symptoms.

Upon discharge, she needs to take Heparin 7500 units twice daily for blood thinning, until she gains her mobility, Panadeine Forte every 4 hours for pain reliver (pain relief) as needed, Durolax 10 mg at night for constipation, Maxolon 10mg 3 (three) times a day for preventing dizziness as needed, and Penicillin 250 mg 4 times a day for duration of 2-weeks as an anti-biotic (antibiotic). The common side effects are hemorrhage, bruising, nausea and vomiting for Heparin, constipation, stomach ache for Panadeine, impaired alertness for Maxolon, and rare sensitivity reaction include skin rash and mild diarrhea for Penicillin.

• This version separates each drug’s side effects more clearly:
  “The common side effects of Heparin include hemorrhage, bruising, nausea, and vomiting; of Panadeine, they include constipation and stomach ache; of Maxolon, impaired alertness; and of Penicillin, rare sensitivity reactions such as skin rash and mild diarrhea.”

I hope this information will help you (will be helpful to you: more formal), if you have any questions(,) (please) do not hesitate to contact me.

Yours sincerely 

 

Words count: 238

• Purpose 3/3

• Content 6/7

• Clarity 4/7

• Genre & Style 3/7

• Organization and layout 5/7

• Language 4/7

  B Overall score: (370)

@928685810046

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

RE: Ms. Alexia Rollinson 

Dear Dr Windwood

I am writing to refer Ms. Alexia Rollinson,  a 45-year-old single woman who works as an accountant(,) to you about (for) assessing our decision regarding her diet plan.

هدف نوشتن نامه "بررسی تصمیمات شما در مورد رژیم غذایی بیمار" نیست. در واقع ارجاع بیمار به GP (از اونجا که بیمار هنوز GP نداره) برای ارجاع به متخصص تغذیه هست. و خلاصه ای از توصیه هایی که شما به بیمار داشتید:

• explain your discussion and advice, including a suggestion for consulting a dietitian.

بنابراین بهتر است به شکل زیر نگارش شود:

I am writing to refer Ms. Alexia Rollinson, a 45-year-old single accountant (خلاصه تر), to you for further management of her diet, including a referral to a dietitian.

Today, she presented to our pharmacy to collect her repeat medication and ( . “full stop here”) during our conversation she asked for diet advice. She was diagnosed with hypertension, hypercholesterolemia and vitamin D deficiency since (in) 2011  and ( . “full stop here”) has a blood pressure of 147/100 which has been taken in our pharmacy today. She is currently on Betaloc 100mg twice a day, Lipitor 20mg and Ostevit-D 1000iu one (once)  a day in the morning. She (recently) moved to this area one month ago and didn't not (has not) yet has (registered with) a doctor (GP).

Rephrased: Her blood pressure, measured in our pharmacy today, was 147/100

She is on a weight loss diet plan and also start (has also started)  her own exercise (.) but (however,) due to the (a) lack of progress, she has been frustrated (feels frustrated) now. Based on the information above, I provided her (with) some free booklet about healthy diet and(1) exercise like (a) council brochure on walking tracks and(2) (as well as) local gymnasiums and sports groups.

I write (am writing) this letter based on her request about referring her to a local doctor to refer her to a dietitian. I would appreciate it if you could helps (assist) her regarding (with) her request and assess our decision about her diet تکراری. If you have any more (further) questions please do not hesitate to contact me.

Yours sincerely

Pharmacist

• Purpose 2/3

• Content 5/7

• Clarity 5/7

• Genre & Style 4/7

• Organization and layout 5/7

• Language 3/7

  C+ Overall score: (320)

@928685810046

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Re: Ms. Sarah King 

Dear Dr. Smythe

I am writing regarding Ms. Sara king (the) medication assessment, a 41-year-old married woman (,)who has two daughters and works in a call center as a manager. (as a manager in call center)

She is our long-term customer and has been suffering from SLE since childhood and( . “full stop here”) also has a family history of type two diabetes. She has been taking Indomethacin 25-5 mg and Hydroxychloroquine sulfate since childhood(,) in addition of (to) Cytoxan and Prednisolone since 2020 for her SLE. (new paragraph)One week ago, she had an appointment with her doctor and mentioned trouble sleeping, general fatigue, joint pain and headache and asked him about (expressed concerns about) long-term side effects of steroids. Her doctor diagnosed that she has an stress and also her SLE has been flare-up. He advised her to try rest and reduce working time. He told her about (explained) the benefits of steroids weight (outweighing) the side effects.  (use passive voice)

*in addition to
*rephrased: Her doctor diagnosed stress and a flare-up of her SLE.

Today, she presented to our pharmacy and requested for an over the counter sleeping tablet( . “full stop here”) and told me about (During our conversation, she mentioned…) her last appointment with her doctor and her frustration about (a/the) lack of progress. She told me (She shared that) she has been (feeling) moody and irritable with her children and has been experiencing anxiety because of her (the) long term use of the steroids and her decision about reducing prednisolone (,) which was started from one week ago and wants to starting (to start: simple form of the verb after “to”) the sleeping tablets contrary to her doctor’s advice.

I advised her that suddenly starting and stop (stopping) the prednisolone may led (may lead) to some (potential) side effects but she did not change her mind and asked me (requested) to inform her GP about her decision. I would appreciate it if you could assess her decision and manage her medication safely. If you have any more (further ) questions, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Yours sincerely

Pharmacist

• Purpose 2.5/3

• Content 5/7

• Clarity 4/7

• Genre & Style 3/7

• Organization and layout 5/7

• Language 5/7

  B Overall score: (350)

@928685810046

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Doctor

I am writing to request your urgent evaluation and treatment of Mr Cochrane,a 57-year-old smoker patient whose features are consistent with left ventricular failure.

Today, he presented to me with severe shortness of breath,chest pain along with sweating for 2 hours,and anxious (anxiety). His examination revealed high Jugular venous pressure,dyspneic (dyspnea), bilateral ankle oedema,a laterally deviated apex beat which was heard in the 6th intercostal space,and bilateral crepitations in both lung bases which all of these indicated (all indicative of) left ventricular failure. I referred him to (the) Cardiology Unit for urgent assessment. (این جمله هدف نوشتن نامه است و نباید ذکر میشد)

Initially(,) On 12/08/2019,he first presented with the same previous signs and symptoms of left ventricular failure.He was prescribed (a) broad spectrum antibiotic for 7 days,furosemide 40 mg per day,and digoxin 0/25 mg per day (daily).He was also advised to stop smoking and drinking.On his review of 14 days later, the patient condition had partially improved. Therefore,he was advised to continue his medications and to rest for one week. 

Regarding his social history,he is (a) smoker(20 cigarettes per day)and drinker(12-14 units per week).

I would appreciate your urgent assessment of this patient.Should you require any further information don’t (do not) hesitate to contact me.                                                                                            

Yours faithfully

Rana Ramezani MD

• Purpose 3/3

• Content 6/7

• Clarity 5/7

• Genre & Style 5/7

• Organization and layout 7/7

• Language 5/7

  B Overall score: (410)

@رعنا رمضاني

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Re: Ms Sandra Marcus, DOB:15/01/1983                                                                                                                                   Dear Dr Wright, 

✅I am writing to request your further evaluation and management of  Ms Marcus, a 36-year-old single woman whose features are consistent with possible malignancy of multinodular goiter.

Regarding her social history, she is a single woman who has a one child and has a family history of cancer in her mother(colon cancer,aged 72).

Rephrased: she is a single woman with one child and a family history of cancer on her mother’s side

✅Initially,on 12/05/2019, she presented with a history of fever, (a) painful throat and lethargy. She was advised to rest and drink fluids. Two months later, she complained of a painless neck swelling which was approximately olive-sized. Examination of her neck revealed an anterior neck swelling which moved with deglutition and was non-tender. Other examinations were normal. Considering (a) provisional diagnosis of Thyroid nodules, I ordered Thyroid function tests(TFTs), and Ultrasonography(US) of her neck.

✅On 21/07/2019, she returned for her test results.The TFTs  were insignificant (unremarkable) but her U.S revealed multiple calcified nodules. She was advised to visit a surgeon ; however,she didn’t accept. 

✅Today,she came to my office with worsening symptoms, including difficulty swallowing and (a) hoarse voice. Based on her examinations (Upon examination), she had increased size of Thyroid (her thyroid was enlarged) that was firm with limited mobility , and (along with) enlarged lymph nodes on the right side.

✅I would appreciate it if you could evaluate and investigate her condition. Should you require more (any further) informations (information), please do not hesitate to contact me.                                                                                                                                Yours sincerely, 

Rana Ramezani, MD

• Purpose 3/3

• Content 6/7

• Clarity 5/7

• Genre & Style 6/7

• Organization and layout 6/7

• Language 5/7

  B Overall score: (430)

@989388199750

[رعنا رمضاني]

,However. یا .however; کدوم درسته؟ Thyroid حرف اول بزرگ یا کوچیک؟ultrasound چطور؟ Based on her examination چرا غلطه؟

[Siavash Zare]

• “. However” یا “, however” یا “; however”?

  • “. However, …” → اگر however جمله جدیدی را شروع کند، باید قبل از آن نقطه و بعد از آن کاما بیاید.
    مثال: “She refused to see a surgeon. However, her symptoms worsened over time.”
  • “; however, …” → اگر however جمله را به جمله قبلی مرتبط کند، قبل از آن نقطه‌ویرگول (;) و بعد از آن کاما بیاید.
    مثال: “She was advised to see a surgeon; however, she refused.”
  • “, however,” → اگر however در وسط جمله بیاید، باید دو طرف آن کاما قرار گیرد.
    مثال: “She did not accept the advice. Her condition, however, continued to deteriorate.”

• “Thyroid” حرف اول بزرگ یا کوچک؟

  • اگر به‌عنوان یک اسم عام به کار رود، کوچک نوشته می‌شود: thyroid
    مثال: “She has an enlarged thyroid.”
  • اگر بخشی از یک نام خاص باشد، بزرگ نوشته می‌شود: Thyroid Function Test (TFTs)

• “Ultrasound” حرف اول بزرگ یا کوچک؟

  • در حالت کلی، کوچک نوشته می‌شود: ultrasound
    مثال: “Her neck ultrasound revealed multiple calcified nodules.”
  • اگر نام یک آزمایش خاص باشد، بزرگ نوشته می‌شود: Ultrasound of the Neck
• چرا “Based on her examination” اشتباه است؟
• در جمله شما معنای باید به اینگونه باشد که “بیمار امروز مجدد آمد، و…

• معاینه انجام شده (در آن لحظه) نشان داد که … عبارت درست Upon examination است.
• “Based on her examination” زمانی کاربرد دارد که میخواهید جمع بندی کنید.

[Siavash Zare]

 

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Doctor,

Re: Amina Ahmed DOB :12/08/11

✅I am writing to refer this 8-year-old patient with (a) provisional diagnosis of meningococcal meningitis, who requires urgent management.

✅Amina is the first child of a family of 5 (five) members (,) who are refugees from Somalia,(.) however (,) her father understands English well. Please note that she has no history of allergies. 

این پاراگراف ترجیحا اخر رایتینگ مناسب تر است. (اما اشتباه نیست)

✅Initially, she attended my clinic on 9/10/19 complaining of symptoms consistent with a viral infection. The examinations were unremarkable apart from being febrile, therefore (,) (a) antipyretic was prescribed, and rest was advised. Three days later, she presented (returned) with persistent fever and headaches. Consequently, ibuprofen was prescribed, and investigation tests (FBC and WBC) were ordered. 

“examinations” → “examination”  چون یک معاینه کلی انجام شده، مفرد صحیح‌تر است.

✅Unfortunately, her condition has deteriorated over (the) previous three days. Today, she appears lethargic and listless, with (a) high fever and worsening headaches. On examination, neck stiffness and scattered rashes on her legs were noticed (noted). In addition, she had had (had: simple past) two episodes of vomiting last night. The test results revealed an elevated WBC count with a left shift. As a result, a single dose of intravenous penicillin was administrated. (administered)

✅In view of the above, I believe she requires urgent admission. For further queries, please contact me.

Sincerely,

Nice

• Purpose 3/3

• Content 6/7

• Clarity 6/7

• Genre & Style 6/7

• Organization and layout 5/7

• Language 6/7

  B Overall score: (440)

 

 

@989172928806

[Siavash Zare]

 

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Re: Mr Yanillin Ma, DOB:12/March/1986)

Dear Dr McArdle,

I am writing to request your follow-up care and treatment of Ms Ma,a 33-year-old man who is being discharged today following post cardio-thoracic (cardiothoracic) surgery.

Regarding his medical and family history, he is a Chinese smoker who has been suffering from hypertention since 2016,and his father died of (an) aortic aneurysm at aged 44. (at the age of 44)

On his admission (31/03/2019), he presented to Brisbane Hospital Emergency Department with severe chest and back pain.He was transferred to Spirit Hospital and had (showed) a sign (signs) of acute pulmonary oedema.

During hospitalization, his CT scan revealed (a) severely dilated ascending aorta and type-A dissection, and his Echocardiogram showed Aortic Insufficiency(AI) and aortic valve incompetency (incompetence). For this reason, (Therefore: more formal)  an open chest operation was performed due to repairing (to repair) (the) aorta dissection and replacing (replace with a) mechanical valve. After his surgery, the adjustment of anti-hypertensive drugs and the administration of antibiotics were prescribed. In addition (,) for his pain,temazepam,oxycodone and Panadol were given.

Rephrased:

• After surgery, antihypertensive medications were adjusted, and antibiotics were administered    
• In addition, for pain management

On discharge plan, routine wound care and (an) Hb check were performed. His blood pressure and INR were monitored. He was also planned to educate (for education) on warfarin therapy and weight loss with referring (with a referral) to Toowang Cardiac Rehabilitation for review exercise tolerance. (for an exercise tolerance review.)

درخواست های نامه به درستی و ناقص ذکر شده اند. از پاراگراف بالا چنین برداشت میشود که این موارد برای بیمار انجام شده است. (were performed و were monitored و was planned) در صورتی که این موارد درخواست های نامه هستند:

Please provide routine wound care, educate the patient on Warfarin therapy, monitor BP at 120/80, check hemoglobin, and manage pain, ceasing Endone when possible. Advise on weight loss, smoking cessation, and refer to Toowong Cardiac Rehab for exercise tolerance review.

I would appreciate it if you could adhere to his discharge plan and follow-up treatment. Should you require any further information, feel free to contact me.

Yours sincerely,

Rose Mcintyre, Cardiothoracic Surgeon

لطفا به تسک نامه دقت کنید، دو تا مورد از شما خواسته: 

1. summarising patient condition

2. Follow-up care he requires

• بنابراین پاراگراف 4 زیادی وارد جزئیات شده. همچنین به اینکه بیمار ریکاوری خوبی داشته و فیزیوتراپی هاشو انجام داده (مورد 1) پرداخته نشده است.

• درخواست های نامه (Plan) به اشتباه نگارش شده.

• نتیجه: به تسک دقت کنید . ببینید چی خواسته و روی همون موارد تمرکز بیشتری کنید.

• Purpose 1.5/3    

• Content 4/7    

• Clarity 4/7     

• Genre & Style 5/7    

• Organization and layout 4/7

• Language 4/7    

  C Overall score: (280)

@989388199750

[Siavash Zare]

 

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Dr Wright,

Re: Ms Sandra Marcus, DOB: 15 January 1983

I am writing to request your surgical management of a patient (which patient?) with multinodular goiter to rule out possible underlying malignancy.

این درخواست:  surgical management به تنهایی کمی نامتعارف به نظر می‌رسد. با توجه به قسمت آخر کیس نوت:

✍️Refer pt to endocrine surgeon for examination of possible malignancy

بهتر است از مقدمه به این شکل شروع شود:

✅ “I am referring this patient to you for further evaluation and possible surgical management of a multinodular goiter to rule out malignancy.”

The patient is a known-case of asthma under the treatment of Ventolin. She has a family history of colon cancer in her mother who died at age of 72.

بلافاصله بعد از مقدمه مشکل اصلی بیمار را شرح بدید. در این نامه آسمی بودن بیمار و family history اهمیت کمتری دارد و باید در آخر بیاید.

Firstly, she presented to my clinic with (a) sore throat and general malaise in (on) 7 May 2019. Her examination revealed no significant findings. Therefore, she was advised to be at rest and drink a lot of fluids.

• To rest and drink: فعل بعد to به شکل ساده میاد. Be at rest در اینجا نقش اسم گرفته. یعنی در استراحت باش و با ساختار بعد and که drink فعل ساده است، همخوانی ندارد.

• ویزیت اول بیمار 12 may بوده، تاریخ 7 may بازگشت بیمار از سفر بوده.

On 5 July 2019, the patient was complained (complained:active) of a movable(,) non-tender(,) neck mass on the anterior part of her neck, with the size of 2×3 cm from (since) 2 months ago (for 2 months). There was no evidence of lymphadenopathy. Based on the examination results, a thyroid function tests (TFT) in accompanied by (a) cervical ultrasound were recommended to rule out a thyroid nodule. Three weeks later, the tests (test) results demonstrated multiple nodules in concomitant with (along with) bilateral thyroid calcification and multinodular goiter diagnosis was made. (leading to a diagnosis of multinodular goiter)

• با توجه به اینکه ویزیت بعدی بیمار است بهتر است جمله به این شکل شروع شود:

✅On 5 July 2019, the patient returned with a complaint of a movable, …

✅یا: On review two weeks later

•  “with the size of” غیرطبیعی است؛ “measuring” در پزشکی رایج‌تر است:  measuring 2×3 cm

• عبارت “in concomitant with” نادرست است چون “concomitant” صفت است و نمی‌تواند به‌عنوان حرف اضافه استفاده شود.

In addition, surgical consult (consultation) was advised due to the risk of thyroid cancer. Hence (However), the patient rejected the recommendation, finally.

• Finally معنای در نهایت نمیده.

Today she attended to my practice with considerable (significant) thyroid enlargement and worsening of dysphagia and dysphonia. On examination, increasing (an increased) thyroid size with limited movement on palpitation accompanied by enlarged lymph nodes on the right side of her neck were detected. Based on (the) above finding, an endocrine surgical referral because of the suspicion to malignancy was recommended.

• علت رو آخر جمله بیارید. رجوع شود به جلسه ترتیب کلمات در جمله:

✅an endocrine surgical referral was recommended due to suspicion of malignancy

البته این جمله رو نباید بیارید چون شما به همین هدف ارجاع نامه رو نوشتید، و یا به این شکل که من بیمار رو با شک بر بدخیمی به شما ارجاع میدهم که خب توی مقدمه اومده یک بار.

I would appreciate your surgical management of Ms. Marcus. If there are any questions,(please) don’t (do not) hesitate to contact me.

Yours sincerely

 Dr. Nazari

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  C+ Overall score: (310)

@pedram-n

[Siavash Zare]

✨Brilliant✨

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Doctor,

Re: Ms. Cathy Jones, DOB: 15/10/1994

✅I am writing to refer Ms. Jones, a 25-year-old single woman, who presents with clinical features suggestive of ectopic pregnancy. Your urgent assessment would be greatly appreciated.

✅Regarding her background, the patient had been taking oral progesterone pills for contraception but discontinued them two months ago, prior to starting her new relationship. She has been experiencing irregular bleeding since initiating the pills. This is her first pregnancy, and her last menstrual period is uncertain. Please note that there is a family history of deep vein thrombosis. 

✅On 15/02/20, she presented with right lower abdominal pain (,) which had been feeling since the previous evening. On examinations, tenderness in the right fornix was detected (,) while no mass was felt, and her vital signs were stable (.) Consequently, some diagnostic tests were requested. (blood test?)

✅At today’s consultation, her condition has deteriorated. she reported that she had experienced (experiencing: shortened and simplified) a severe constant pain over the last night with mild vaginal bleeding. In addition, she felt drowsy, while waiting at (the) reception. Examination revealed significant tenderness in the right fornix and rebound tenderness in the right iliac fossa. The lab (laboratory) results confirmed a positive pregnancy test.

In view of the above, I believe she requires urgent admission to rule out (an) ectopic pregnancy and (for) further assessment. For any queries, please contact me. 

• “For any queries, please contact me.” → “If you have any queries, please do not hesitate to contact me.” (more professional and polite).

Sincerely,

Dr. Sally Brown

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  A Overall score: (470)

@989172928806

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Re: Amina Ahmed, DOB:12/08/2011

Dear Doctor,

I am writing to request your urgent management and evaluation (Evaluation and management) of Amina, an 8-year-old girl whose features are consistent with meningococcal meningitis.

Today, on 14/October/2019, she presented to my clinic with worsening symptoms compared with her previous visit, including lethargy, vomiting twice last night (two episodes of vomiting last night), and an increased headache. Her examinations revealed an elevated, left-shifted wbc (WBC) along with fever (40.2 C) and tachycardia (110 bpm) (,)while other examinations were unremarkable. Regarding (Given) her neck stiffness and macula-papular rash over her legs, and based on my provisional diagnosis of meningococcal meningitis, I prescribed (administered) intravenous penicillin as a stat dose.

• Date Formatting → “14 October 2019”

Initially, on 09/october/2019, she was first brought in with fever(39.4), rhinitis, mild cough, and poor appetite. Considering my probable diagnosis of (a) viral infection, she was advised to rest and take paracetamol. After 3 (three) days, she returned with elevated fever(39.8) and an ongoing headache. Therefore, ibuprofen 200 mg was administered.

• avoiding redundancy with “initially” and “first”

Upon (Regarding) her social and family history, she is a (the) first child of a family which has (with) two younger siblings. They are Somali immigrants, although (however) she and her father understand English.

• “Upon” means “on” or “immediately after”

I would appreciate your urgent assessment and treatment of her. Should you require (any) further information, (please) feel free to contact me.

Yours sincerely,

Dr Lucy Irving

 

• Purpose 3/3

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  B Overall score: (390)

@989388199750