[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Re:Mr Dave Cochrane DOB:20/11/1962

Dear Admitting Officer,Emergency Department,

✅I am writing to urgently request the admission of Mr Cochrane,a 52-year-old man whose features are consistent with an acute exacerbation of heart failure, requiring immediate stabilization.

Today, Mr Cochrane ,who has been diagnosed with the left side (left-sided) heart failure since one month ago(,) presented to my office complaining on (of) severe dyspnea, chest pain, and sweeting .On examination, her blood pressure and pulse rate were 120 over 90 (120/90 mmHg) and 66 (bpm) respectively. Her lung has crepitation. (Crepitations were noted in his lungs)

On social and medical history,Mr Cochrane is a smoker, (consuming) 20 cigarettes per day, and is a known case of left sided heart failure for which has taken (takes: ongoing) furosemide and digoxin ,40 mg and 25 mg ,daily respectively. He was stable until today(,) who (when) presented with signs and symptoms of an acute exacerbation of heart failure.

I would appreciate (it) if you could urgently admit and assess Mr Cochrane for stabilization of her (his) heart failure. Should you require more information, (please) feel free to contact me.

Yours sincerely,

Fariba Nateghi MD

• Purpose: 3/3

• Content: 4/7

• Clarity & consciousness: 5/7

• Genre & Style: 4/7

• Organization and layout 6/7

• Language 5/7

#رایتینگ #OET #پزشکی

  B Overall score: (370)

@FARIBA

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

RE:Ms Sandra Marcus, DOB: 15/01/1983

Dear DR Wright,

✅I am writing to refer Ms Sandra Marcus, a 36- year-old librarian woman whose features are consistent with a thyroid malignancy.

• “woman” is unnecessary

✅Regarding Ms Marcus social and medical history, she is a single man(?) with a child. She has been suffering from asthma since childhood ,for which she has taken (uses) (an) inhaler. There is also (a) positive history of colon cancer in her mother. (on her mother’s side)

• “has taken inhaler” → “uses an inhaler”

  • فعل take به معنای خوردن است.

✅Initially, Ms Marcus presented to me complaining of fever and fatigue. On examination(,) she was afebrile(,) (and) her general examination were (was) unremarkable. She was advised to get rest and increasing (increase) fluid intake.

• “to get rest” → “to rest”

• ✅ to rest and increase…. هر دو فعل به اجبار باید یک فرم باشند

✅Three weeks later, Mr (Ms.) Marcus presented with a complaint of feeling a painless mass in her neck.On examinations 2×2 cm mobile non–tender mass was detected in her thyroid gland. The result of (the) thyroid function test was normal (and) her neck ultrasound revealed bilateral multiple nodules accompanied with calcifications. Despite advising (being advised) surgery (surgical review) for (to) rule-out malignancy, she stated she needed time for thinking. (to think)

✅Today, Mr Marcus returned after one month with a progressive neck swelling, hoarseness ,and difficulty swallowing. On examinations(,)  a firm mobile thyroid mass(,) along with an enlarged lymph node in the right side of (the) thyroid were (was)  detected . 

I would appreciate it if you could see Ms Marcus for further investigations to rule-out a thyroid malignancy. Should you require more information, (please) do not hesitate to contact me.

Your sincerely ,

Fariba Nateghi MD

 

• Purpose: 3/3

• Content: 6/7

• Clarity & consciousness: 4/7

• Genre & Style: 5/7

• Organization and layout 5/7

• Language 4/7

  B Overall score: (360)

@FARIBA

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Miss Peele

Re: Smoking Cessation Options

I hope this letter finds you well. I am writing to provide summarized information regarding your smoking cessation.

Initially, there is (are) nicotine replacement therapy (options)(,) that includes cold turkey with a low percentage of successful quitting rate and NRT (NRT products)(,) which helps more people in their path. There is also nicotine patches that equals 10 cigarettes, meaning you should take (use) two of them or take oral products with it. Nicotine will start releasing after 2 hours and reach it peak’s (peak) within 4 to 6 hours.

• “with a low percentage of successful quitting rate” → “a low success rate”

• “Helps more people in their path”→ “more effective”

Additionally, there are oral products like (such as) gum, lozenges, and inhalers. Each bite from a gum equals to a cigarette puff. It is also advisable to avoid chewing continuously to prevent nicotine over release.(excessive nicotine release) Lozenge delivers more nicotine than gum and it is better to take (drink) water after it dissolves in your mouth. Furthermore, you can take (use) (an) inhaler(,) but there is a risk of becoming addicted to it and you should drink water after using (the) inhaler.

The last and the most successful option is (the) E-cigarette. It heats (a) liquid containing nicotine instead of burning tobacco or produce (producing) tar and carbon monoxide. The good news is it has a variety of models available and the size of (the) device can be adjusted. At first, you can take (use) smaller ones like (similar to) light cigarette.vThe most important thing is using proper (correct) strength of liquid to satisfy your craving. I should mention that it contains harmful products from smoking but at much lower levels.

Should you have any questions or require further guidance, feel free to reach out. I wish you a good luck with your smoking cessation (journey).

Yours sincerely,

Erfan Moradi

Pharmacist 

 

 

• Purpose: 3/3

• Content: 6/7

• Clarity & consciousness: 3/7

• Genre & Style: 4/7

• Organization and layout 5/7

• Language 4/7

  B Overall score: (360)

@515138745649

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Gynecology Registrar,

Re: MS Cathy Jones (aged 25)

I am writing to request an urgent investigation of (for) Ms. Jones, a 25-year-old single woman with a suspected ectopic pregnancy.

Today, she presented with persistent and worsening abdominal pain over the past night, along with a mild vaginal bleeding. Her physical examination revealed an aggravated tender right iliac fossa with a new guarding and rebound abdominal tenderness compared to the (her) last night visit on the 15 February 2020. Additionally, right fornix tenderness and a cervical irritability were detected upon the vaginal examination. The requested test results confirmed the patient is pregnant, while her vital signs were satisfactory (stable). Given a (the) provisional diagnosis of ectopic pregnancy, I referred Ms. Jones to the emergency department for further assessments.

• an aggravated tender right iliac fossa → aggravated tenderness in the right iliac fossa

• کلمات guarding ، bleeding و irritability  همه اسم غیرقابل شمارش (uncountable nouns) هستند.

Please note,(please note that) Ms. Jones has been in a new relationship for the past 2 months and has been taking (the) progesterone-only pill since then. She has also (also has) a family history of deep vein thrombosis and is not certain about her last menstrual period.

I would appreciate it if you could evaluate her promptly regarding (for) a definitive diagnosis and (to start/initiate) appropriate management. Should you require any further information, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Yours faithfully,

Sally Brown MD

• Purpose: 3/3

• Content: 6/7

• Clarity & consciousness: 5/7

• Genre & Style: 6/7

• Organization and layout 5/7

• Language 5/7

  B Overall score: (410)

@morteza-azari

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Re:MR Jack Mills DOB:01/09/1999

Dear DR Susan,

I am writing to update you and review information and ongoing treatment of Mr Jack Mills, a 21-year-old man who is being discharged after stabilization of his schizophrenia flare up.

• عبارت که خط کشیده شده کاملا مطابق با هدف نامه نیست. تسک از شما خواسته بیمار رو ارجاع بدید برای روان درمانی حضوری با روانپزشک.

Regarding Mr Mills’ social history, he is a single man ,smoker,40 cigarette per day, and alcohol consumptive ,6 bears (beer) per day. He dined and illicit drugs use(??). (He denies the use of illicit drugs)

• He is a single man who smokes approximately 40 cigarettes per day and consumes around six beers daily.

Initially(,) on 14/05/2019, Mr Mills was admitted in (to) Spirit Hospital Psychiatry Ward (SHPW) with (a) diagnosis of schizophrenia(,) following a history of difficulty (poor) concentration and unstable mood for (over) months (several months) (,) which had been led him to stop attending in university and became (to become) isolated. He was discharged with medications Haldol , 20 mg and sodium valproate,125 mg ,daily. At the same time he had been treating (treated) with group psychotherapy .

• Poor concentration / difficulty concentrating

• To stop …. And to become…

• He was discharged >> بیمار قراره امروز مرخص بشه

• ✅ His discharge medications include, …

Mr Mills’ second admission was three months later due to a suicide attempt by cutting his both wrists (both of his wrists) .He was discharged and (After discharge, he was under…) was under care of his mother .However, his mother believed her son stopped his medications and Mr Mills refuse (was refusing) to eat and talk to his mother.

On the Mr Mills’ last admission, which was because of his schizophrenia flare up and a non compliance medication. During hospitalization, her (his) sodium valproate was (gradually) increased to 20 mg gradually ,and he also need to (needed/required) occasional Navan injections ,4 mg ,IM . On Mr Mills discharge plane (plan),(Upon discharge,) he needs one-to-one support, and insight oriented psychotherapy. He was advised to avoid alcohol consumption and cess her smoking (to stop smoking). His medications are including (include) sodium valproate ,250 mg daily ,and Navan injection, (and) 1.5 mg every four weeks, (.) (his) next injection  would be on 16/01/2020.

I would be appreciate it if you could adhere to Mr Mills discharge plan and (ensure) a regular follow-up treatment. Should you require more information,(please) feel free to contact me.

Yours sincerely,

• بیمار 4 سال پیش طلاق گرفته و الان با مادرش تنها زندگی میکنه. این موارد که برای روانپزشک مهمه ذکر نشده. همچنید: disability support pension

• خطاهای گرامری و ساختاری خیلی زیاد بود و این در خوانایی متن تاثیر داشت.

• هدف ارجاع بیمار به روانپزشک به خوبی مشخص نبود. افزایش اعتماد به نفس، کیفیت زندگی، تعهد به دارو و… هیچ کدام ذکر نشده.

Fariba Nateghi MD

• Purpose: 2/3

• Content: 4/7

• Clarity & consciousness: 3/7

• Genre & Style: 4/7

• Organization and layout 5/7

• Language 3/7

  C Overall score: (290)

@FARIBA

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Re: Mrs. Jane Mclntyre

DOB: 01/03/1980

✅Thank you for seeing Mrs. Jane Mclntyre , a 39-year-old pregnant woman who has a history of a severe pre-eclampsia, caesarean section and advanced maternal age. Mrs.Mcintyre requires your assistance and management regarding (of) her ongoing antenatal care.

Based on her last menstruation (period) on 26/06/2019, Mrs.Mcintyre is on (in) her eighth week of gestation, which is (was) confirmed by (a) home pregnancy test. According to (due to) presence of 2+nitrates, 3+ protein and +1 blood in her urine dipstick test and a history of 3 days dysuria, a 5-day course of Cefalexin 250 mg four times a day was prescribed. However, to confirm the urinary tract infection, a mid-stream urine test is (was) also sent to the laboratory.

• “a history of 3 days dysuria” → “a three-day history of dysuria”

✅On physical examination, her blood pressure, weight, and height were assessed which were (were recorded as) 120/80 mmHg, 60 kg, 165 cm(,) respectively. Her abdomen was soft, non-tender, and (the) fundus of (the) uterus couldn’t be (was not) palpable suprapubicaly. As Mrs.Mcintyre has a family history of venous thrombosis along with (and) being heterozygous for factor five Leiden, daily tinzaparin 3500 unit percutaneously (daily subcutaneous tinzaparin (3500 units)) is (was) commenced. Additionally, she was advised taking (to take)  folic acid 400 mg daily until 12 weeks of gestation.

✅Considering her advanced maternal age, a Down’s syndrome screening along with nuchal translucency scan on (at) 11-13 weeks of gestation is consulted (is required). Antenatal blood examination was performed which (and) the result will be issued to The Spirit Mother’s Hospital.

✅Please note that Mrs.Mcintyre is Para 2, Gravida 5 with associated 2 miscarriages (with two associated miscarriages) which her first pregnancy was accompanied by pre-eclampsia and subsequently led to premature birth at 32 weeks of gestation however her second pregnancy was uncomplicated.

• Standard format lists Gravida before Para: “Gravida 5, Para 2”

• کل پاراگراف بالا یک جمله طولانی است. لطفا بیش از یک بار در هر جمله عبارات را به هم وصل نکنید و به جای آن نقطه بگذارید و عبارت بعدی را در قالب جمله جدید شروع کنید.

✅I would appreciate it if you could take over her care and provide ongoing management.

In case of further queries, please do not hesitate to reach out.

Your sincerely

Dr.Zahra Taji

 

• Purpose: 3/3

• Content: 6/7

• Clarity & consciousness: 3/7

• Genre & Style: 4/7

• Organization and layout 5/7

• Language 3/7

  B Overall score: (360)

@443636334827

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Doctor, 

✅I am writing to request your urgent evaluation and management of Mr Cochrane(,) a long–term patient under my care(,) whose clinical features (are) consistent with acute left ventricular failure. I believe he requires immediate admission to your Cardiology Unit in order to (to) stabilise his condition. 

✅Today, Mr Cochrane presented with  significant shortness of breath(,),chest discomfort, sweating for 2  hours, (along with) dyspnea, anxiety and bilateral ankle edema. Upon his examination(,) he had a high jugular venous pressure(,) and a laterally displaced apex beat located in the 6th intercostal space and basal crepitation on lung auscultation. His symptoms are strongly suggestive of decompensated heart failure.

• زمانی که لیست (علایم) خیلی طولانی میشه از عباراتی مثل along with در بین لیست استفاده کنید تا خوانایی بهتر شود.

✅He first attended to me on 12.Aug.2019 (12 August 2019)(,) complaining of breathlessness, chest tightness and nocturnal cough. his symptoms were exacerbated in supine position and improved with head elevation(میتونیست حذف بشه برای خلاصه گویی). At that time, his examination findings were similar (similar to) today’s. Additional investigations revealed cardiomegaly on ECG and signs of lung infection on chest X ray, all were indicative of (all of which were indicative of) left ventricular heart failure.I commenced a 7–day course of broad–spectrum antibiotics, furosemide and digoxin. 

✅During his follow–up visit approximately 2 (two) weeks later he reported a temporary improvement(,) so I recommended him to rest for one (another) week and to continue his medications. 

✅Unfortunately his situation (condition) has got complicated (has worsened) today(,) so I planned to refer him to you for urgent evaluation and admission. 

Should you require any additional information please do not hesitate to contact me. 

Yours Faithfully, 

Mona Ramezani MD 

 

• Purpose: 3/3

• Content: 6/7

• Clarity & consciousness: 5/7

• Genre & Style: 5/7

• Organization and layout 5/7

• Language 5/7

  B Overall score: (410)

@989199029298-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2

[مُنا رمضانی قمصری]

سلام خیلی خیلی ممنونم از وقتی که گذاشتید.

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Re: Jack Mills (DOB: 01 Sep 1999)

Dear Dr Twyford,

✅I am writing to request one-to-one psychotherapy and ongoing management for Jack Mills, a 20-year-old university student, who has been diagnosed with schizophrenia and paranoia.

• “Comma” after “student” is unnecessary 

✅Jack was initially diagnosed with schizophrenia and paranoia seven months ago and has had several hospital admissions due to recurrent episodes of psychosis, self-harm, and attempted suicide.

✅Jack’s latest (most recent) admission was on 23 Nov 2019. He was brought (brought in) by his mother with(due to) irritability, paranoia, auditory hallucinations, and medication avoidance. Psychiatric treatments (treatment) included one-to-one supportive and insight-oriented psychotherapy were commenced with (along with) antipsychotic and mood stabilizer medications. He is being discharged today while his ability to judge and manage finances has improved, but his prognosis is still considered (remains) guarded.

• “were commenced with…” >> “treatment included… along with…” >> no verb needed

✅Jack’s discharge plan includes: sodium valproate, 250 mg twice daily, Navane, 1.5 mg intramuscular every 4 weeks, and the next injection should be on 16 Jan (January) 2020. He was also advised to quit smoking and stop drinking alcohol.

• OET requires full month names.

✅Please note, Jack’s parents got divorced (divorced!) 4 years ago. He had been living with his mother in Sydney prior to this admission. Going forward, he will reside with his father in Canberra.

In light of the above, I would appreciate it if you could provide one-to-one psychotherapy and ongoing management to enhance Jack’s self-confidence, to improve his quality of life, and to increase his medication compliance and social stability.

• Streamlined by removing repeated “to” for smoother flow.

Should you require any additional information, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Yours sincerely,

Mona Ramezani, MD

 

• Purpose: 3/3

• Content: 6/7

• Clarity & consciousness: 6/7

• Genre & Style: 5/7

• Organization and layout 6/7

• Language 6/7

  B Overall score: (440)

@989199029298-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2

[مُنا رمضانی قمصری]

ممنونم از وقتی که گذاشتید.

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Parent,

I am writing to provide information regarding diognosis (diagnosis) and treatments (treatment) of head lice due to (following) (a) recent out break. (outbreak)

Head lice has size of a sesame seed. It (they) can spread by head-to-head contact and isn’t relative with (related to) poor hygiene. Head lice can cause papules around (the) back of (the) head but (in) most cases, patients have no symptoms.

• Head lice are about the size >> “Lice” is a plural noun

For diognosis, apply adequate hair conditioner to dry hair and wait for about 20 minutes. After that, combing (comb) hair with nit combs. Additionally, it is important to devide (divide) (the) hair into 3-4 cm sections and comb each section. Repeat (the procedure) twice for diognosis. 

There are several products for treatment (of head lice). All of them should (be) repeated after 7 to 10 days. It is also important to comb hair for 10-14 days until no lice (are) found. It is also advisable to wet comb weekly after curing (treatment) to prevent recurrence. (Weekly wet combing is also recommended)

There are some precautions while you are on head lice treatment such as, don’t blow dry hairs, wash(ing) pillow cases on (a) hot cycle, examine(ning) (the) whole family, and notify(ing) (the) patient’s school. If (the) patient experiences head lice after treatment, (the) patient should repeat treatment with another product and will benefit from (the) wet combing method that mentioned before (earlier). It’s also a good idea to seek medical attention.

• Don’t blow dry hairs >> avoiding the use of hair dryers

• If (the) patient experiences head lice after treatment >>  If lice persist after treatment,

If you have any concerns or require further guidance, do not hesitate to contact me or visit (the) pharmacy. 

Yours sincerely,

Erfan Moradi

• Purpose: 3/3

• Content: 6/7

• Clarity & consciousness: 4/7

• Genre & Style: 4/7

• Organization and layout 5/7

• Language 3/7

  B Overall score: (370)

 

@515138745649

[mahmood moghimi]

?hello dear teacher zare, i’d like to know, to whom has this letter been written

[Siavash Zare]

Hello Dr. Mahmood
This is a Pharmacist OET letter, is written to children’s parents.
This is not a medicine writing.

• This reply was modified 1 ماه گذشته by  Siavash Zare.

[mahmood moghimi]

That’s very kind of you.

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Re: Mrs Jane Maclntyre (DOB: 01 March 1980)

Dear Dr Childers,

Thank you for attending Mrs Jane Maclntyre, a 39-year- old, G5P2 (a 39-year-old G5P2 woman)who is referring for (is being referred for: passive voice) antenatal care considering a history of severe pre-eclampsia and cesarean section.

According to the (her) obstetric and medical history, Mrs Jane Maclntyre (Jane) has two children aged 5 and 3 and had (has) 2 miscarriages. Her first pregnancy ended with (ended in) an emergent caesarean section because of a severe pre-eclapsia at 32 weeks of gestation. Her second baby (was) delivered (at) full term without any significant complication. According to a (her) positive family history of thrombosis and heterozygosity for factor V Leiden, she had been taking low molecular weight heparin in (during) (her) two previous pregnancies.

Mrs Maclntyre presented today with a positive home pregnancy test. Her last menstruation (period) was on 26 June 2019. She also has (has also) complained of dysuria over the last 3 days. On examination, Mrs Maclntyre’s blood pressure was 120/70 mmHg, her fundus was not palpated suprapubically and her abdomen was soft and non-tender. There was no remarkable finding except for a positive urine dipstick (result).

In light of the above, I commenced Mrs Maclntyre (on) folic acid, 400 mg daily, tinzaparin, 3500 units daily subcutaneously, cephalexin, 250 mg QID for 5 days. I also sent (where?) a midstream urine specimen and routine antenatal blood tests which results will be sent to you when received. She also agreed to have a nuchal translucency scan between 11 to 13 weeks of pregnancy in order to rule out Down’s syndrome.

 I would appreciate it if you could provide Mrs Maclntyre (with) her antenatal care.

Should you require any additional information, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Yours sincerely,

Mona Ramezani, MD

• فقط در مقدمه یک بار اسم کامل بیمار را همراه با title بنویسید و در ادامه بهتر است با اسم کوچک یا ضمیر خطاب کنید.

• Purpose: 3/3

• Content: 6/7

• Clarity & consciousness: 4/7

• Genre & Style: 4/7

• Organization and layout 5/7

• Language 4/7

  B Overall score: (380)

@989199029298-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Dr Wright, 

Re: Ms Sandra Marcus, DOB: 15 Jan 1983 

✅Thank you for seeing Ms Marcus, a 36-year-old woman who has developed a multi-nodular goitre, raising a suspicion of malignancy. 

• “Suspicion” is an uncountable noun

✅She first presented to my practice on 5 July 2019 with slight (mild) thyroid enlargement. On examination, there was a non-tender neck swelling, while all other systems were unremarkable. Thyroid function tests were within normal limits; however, ultrasonography revealed multiple nodules with calcifications on both thyroid lobes. Accordingly, she was advised to undergo a surgical review to rule out malignancy. 

• واژه slight به معنای کم و اندک است و معنای خفیف نمیدهد

✅She was initially reluctant to proceed with surgical intervention and defaulted her appointment. (However,) She re-presented (represented/returned) today after one and a half months with increased thyroid size, progressive dysphagia over the past three weeks, and hoarseness. On examination, the thyroid is (was) large, firm, and exhibits(-ed) reduced mobility, with associated right cervical lymphadenopathy. 

• حتی زمانی که در مورد ویزیت امروز بیمار صحبت می کنید از زمان گذشته بهره بگیرید.

✅Her past medical history includes a brief episode of fever, sore throat, and malaise following her return from a trip to India on 7 May 2019, which resolved spontaneously. (and asthma)

✅I would appreciate your assessment and further management of this patient to exclude malignancy. 

If you have any queries, please do not hesitate to contact me. 

Yours sincerely, 

Dr Mahmood Moghimi

• Purpose: 3/3

• Content: 6/7

• Clarity & consciousness: 5/7

• Genre & Style: 6/7

• Organization and layout 5/7

• Language 5/7

  B Overall score: (420)

 

@mahmood

[mahmood moghimi]

سلام اقای زارع بسیار سپاسگذارم البته من کمی هم از چت جی پی تی کمک گرفتم وگرنه خودم هنوز به این خوبی نمیتونم بنویسم

[Siavash Zare]

بله برای تمرین اشکالی نداره و خوب هست، اما رایتینگ هایی که برای تصحیح و ارزیابی ارسال می‌کنید باید از خودتون باشه تا نقاط ضعف و ایرادات رو پیدا کنیم.
با احترام.

[mahmood moghimi]

چشم حتما دومی را کاملا از خودم مینویسم

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Dr Yabe

Re: Ms Sally Webster DOB: 10 November 2003

I am writing to refer Ms Webster, a 16-year-old high school student who requires your further assessment and management due to suspected Anorexia Nervosa. 

 

Ms Webster initially presented at my clinic 2 (three) months ago(,) complaining of (a) 2-week constipation and little amount of daily consumption (and minimal daily food intake). Her abdominal examination revealed soft with no palpable masses and her weight was 54 kilograms (kg), (.) others (other findings?) are (were) normal. (therefore,) She was advised to consume more intake of vegetable, fibers and fluids.

• Little ➜ Minimal

• Daily (food) consumption ➜ Daily food intake

• ➜ Abdominal examination revealed a soft abdomen with no palpable masses.

• Consume more intake of vegetable (vegetable intake) ➜ Consume more vegetables

 

One week earlier (later), she attended with her mother(,) who was worried about her daughter’s weight loss and signs of anorexia. She reported (that) her daughter’s behavior about eating habits was (have) changed recently. (her eating habits have changed) However, Ms Webster just denied it. On examination, her weight was reduced by 6 kg and her face was pale and thin. Her blood pressure was 100/60 on (in) both lying and standing positions. I scheduled an appointment for the next week to evaluate Ms Webster alone and ordered some laboratory tests.

 

Today, a little eye contact was seen (she made minimal eye contact) and she stood at a distance. Ms Webster believes her ideal weight will be (is) 40 kg and her parents react more than normal (overreact). She was obsessed with using laxatives and denied any self-induced vomiting. The test results were all normal, but her weight was 47 kg.

 

In view of the above, I would appreciate it if you could assess this patient. If you need any further information please do not hesitate to contact me.

Sincerely Yours,

Doctor Mansouri

 

• Purpose: 3/3

• Content: 5/7

• Clarity & consciousness: 3/7

• Genre & Style: 3/7

• Organization and layout 5/7

• Language 3/7

  C+ Overall score: (340)

✅ استفاده صحیح از زمان‌ها (Tenses)

مشکل:

• گاهی زمان گذشته ساده و حال ساده با هم قاطی شده. مثلاً:

  • “She was obsessed with…” در حالی که “believes her ideal weight is…”

  • این تناقض می‌تونه باعث سردرگمی خواننده بشه.

تمرین پیشنهادی:

• برای گزارش شرح حال گذشته: past simple
  
  
   She presented with… / She stated that…
  

• برای عقاید یا رفتارهایی که هنوز ادامه دارند: present simple
  
  
   She believes… / She denies…

 

✅ ساختار حرفه‌ای و رسمی جملات (Professional tone)

مشکل:

• استفاده از اصطلاحات نیمه‌عامیانه یا فرمی که رسمی نیست، مثال:

 ❌ “parents react more than normal”
 ✅ “parents overreact to her condition”

✅ انسجام و اتصال جملات (Cohesion and flow)

مشکل:

• جمله‌ها گاهی بدون اتصال منطقی کنار هم چیده شده‌اند. مثلاً:

 She lost 6 kg. Her face was pale. Her blood pressure was low.

 این جمله‌ها باید بهتر به هم وصل بشن.

 

✅ استفاده از واژگان و اصطلاحات پزشکی دقیق و حرفه‌ای

مشکل:

• استفاده از واژه‌های غیر استاندارد یا ناآشنا برای ارزیاب.

 ❌ “a little eye contact was seen”
 ✅ “She made minimal eye contact”

تمرین پیشنهادی:

• تمرین collocation های رایج با مطالعه بایگانی رایتینگ های تصحیح شده

  • make eye contact

  • maintain physical distance

@user-678891

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Dr Omar,

Re: Mrs Samani Khaze

D.O.B: 12/04/1972

✅I am writing to refer Mrs Khaze, a 46-year-old nurse and mother of 4 children who requires immediate reconstructive surgery due to (for) invasive ductal carcinoma of the left breast. 

✅Mrs Khaze has a history of a benign lump in the right breast, which was treated with (a) lumpectomy five years ago and her mammogram was normal 2 years ago. She additionally (Additionally, she) has a family history of breast cancer in her sister, whom you treated 6 years ago.

✅Initially, Mrs Khaze presented to me on 22 October after discovering a painless lump in her left breast 6 months earlier. She reported no change in its size.

• “She presented after…. 6 months earlier” Does not sounds right (2 time maker)

• Rephrased: Mrs Khaze initially presented to me on 22 October, reporting a painless lump in her left breast that she had discovered six months earlier.

✅On examination, the left breast lump was 2 x 2 cm in size, hardly nontender with ill-defined margins, (.) and her axillary lymph nodes were palpable and mobile. (therefore,) A mammogram and ultrasound were ordered.

•  the lump in the left breast measured 2 × 2 cm

• Hard and nontender? “Hardly” is an adjective >> ✅firm and non-tender

✅Two weeks later, she (returned/revisited and…) appeared anxious and reported sleep disturbances. The imaging test results revealed a left breast nodule which was 1.8 x 1.6 cm in size with variable echogenicity and multiple nodules at (in)(the) axillary lymph nodes. Consequently, a core biopsy was performed and diazepam 10 mg was prescribed. 

✅Today, the biopsy results confirmed a diagnosis of moderately differentiated invasive ductal carcinoma of the left breast. Mrs. Khaze has expressed her preference for undergoing surgery under your care. 

✅I would appreciate your consideration of this patient for surgery. Please contact me if you require (any) further information.

• if you could consider this patient

Yours sincerely,

Dr Tin Aung (GP)

 

• Purpose: 3/3

• Content: 6/7

• Clarity & consciousness: 4/7

• Genre & Style: 4/7

• Organization and layout 5/7

• Language 4/7

  B Overall score: (370)

 

@mobina-sharifzadeh