[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Dr Roberts

Re: Ann Hall, DOB 19 Sep 1972

✅I am writing to refer Miss Hall, a 45-year-old teacher, (no comma needed) who presented with dysphagia and abdominal pain, (no comma needed) for investigation of her upper GI and an endoscopy. (for upper gastrointestinal investigation, including endoscopy.)

✅Today(,) Miss Hall attended to my practice with a complaint of dysphagia to solid foods since two weeks ago (for the past two weeks), after contacting  (following) an upper respiratory tract viral infection, for which she self- medicated with some herbal OTC remedies (OTC herbal remedies). She was complaining of epigastric pain radiating to (her) back and has lost 2 kg of her weight as well.

She feeled (felt) no sensation of a lump and there was no evidence of anxiety, (.) however(,) recently she has (she has recently) increased her coffee consumption and occasionally takes aspirin. On (Regarding her) past medical history she is not smoker since 2002 and is a social drinker. She is overweight since 10 years ago and has a history of dyspepsia on (in) 2012.

• She did not report any sensation of a lump

• she has not smoked since 2002

She was recommended to decrease caffeine and alcohol intake and not taking (to avoid) OTC medications(,) and was prescribed pentoprazole. 

I would be appreciated (would appreciate) your assessment and management of her condition and (including) an endoscopy. If you had (have) any queries please don’t (do not) hesitate to reach out.

Yours sincerely

Dr Mahmood Moghimi

• Purpose: 3/3

• Content: 6/7

• Clarity & consciousness: 4/7

• Genre & Style: 3/7

• Organization and layout 5/7

• Language 3/7

  B Overall score: (360)

 

@mahmood

[mahmood moghimi]

یک سوال دیگه اینکه ایا پاراگراف ها را با هم ادغام کردید؟ مثلا سوابق را اوردین توی پاراگراف دوم

این به خاطر کوتاهی پاراگراف ها بود ؟

• This reply was modified 4 هفته گذشته by  mahmood moghimi.

[mahmood moghimi]

کلمه dispepsia را هم من اشتباه نوشته بودم که انگار در متن شما اتومات اصلاح شده بود

[mahmood moghimi]

کدام اشتباهات مربوط به genre and style بود ؟

[mahmood moghimi]

کلمه pantoprazole را هم اشتباه نوشته بودم

[mahmood moghimi]

چت جی پی تی بهم 31 از 38 داد

[mahmood moghimi]

چت جی پی تی هم بعد از teacher کاما گذاشته

[mahmood moghimi]

سلام با تشکر از تصیحیح و راهنمایی شما

1 توی متن جواب خود سایت بعد از teacher کاما گذاشته

2کلمه contacting منظورم contracting بوده

3 کلمه clarity and consciousness ؟

[Siavash Zare]

Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Doctor

Re: Ms Cathy Jones 25 years age

✅I am writing to request an urgent admission for Ms Jones, a 25-year-old single patient who has (is presenting with) clinical features suggestive of (an) ectopic pregnancy.

✅Ms Jones presented to my clinic yesterday evening, complaining of a lower abdominal pain, which worsened in the right iliac fossa. She stated that she could not remember her last menstrual period, and an irregular bleeding was mentioned (“Active voice” is more appropriate here**). On examination, a mild right iliac fossa tenderness was identified without a rebound or guarding tenderness. A slight tender area in her right fornix was noted on the vaginal examination, and her vital signs were normal. She was advised to return to the clinic tomorrow morning (following morning) for reassessment, and (to) take (undergo) a blood test.

• “Pain” is uncountable

• “tenderness” is uncountable

• ✅**She stated …… and mentioned ….

✅On today’s visit, she reported that the pain (had) worsened overnight, along with some mild vaginal bleeding. Examination revealed Ms Jones’ right iliac fossa was more tender than her previous visit, accompanying (accompanied) with a guarding and rebound tenderness. Her vaginal examination also showed a cervical excitation and a severe tenderness in the right fornix, and her pregnancy test was positive. Subsequently, My provisional diagnosis was (is) an ectopic pregnancy.

• “excitation ” is uncountable >> symptoms are typically uncountable

✅Please note, Ms Jones has been taking progesterone-only pill (POP) for contraception for the past two months. I would appreciate it if you could urgently admit this patient for further assessment and management.

If you have any further inquiries, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Sincerely yours

Dr. Sally Brown

 

• Purpose: 3/3

• Content: 6/7

• Clarity & consciousness: 5/7

• Genre & Style: 4/7

• Organization and layout 6/7

• Language 4/7

  B Overall score: (400)

@user-678891

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Dr. McArdle
Re: Mr. Yanlin Ma
D.O.B: 12/03/1986 

✅I am writing to refer Mr.Ma, a 32-year-old international PhD student who requires follow-up care following emergency cardiothoracic surgery performed two weeks ago. 

✅Mr. Ma was admitted to our hospital on 31 March with pulmonary oedema and severe chest and back pain. Imaging studies revealed a type A aortic dissection and aortic valve incompetence. Consequently, he underwent open-chest surgery for dissection repair and aortic root replacement with a mechanical valve. 

✅Postoperatively, he has made a satisfactory recovery, and his blood pressure stabilised within three days. A physiotherapist provided an exercise program, and cardiac outpatient appointments were scheduled at (for) three and six months post-operation. 

✅At discharge today, Mr. Ma was prescribed warfarin, antihypertensives, analgesics, and antibiotics. Ongoing management includes routine wound care, INR monitoring (target range 2.5–3.5) and blood pressure monitoring (target<120/80). Isosorbide mononitrate and clonidine can be weaned once his blood pressure stabilises. Endone should be discontinued when pain is manageable. 

✅Please note that Mr. Ma has a 2-year history of hypertension, and his father died at the age of 44 due to an aortic aneurysm. He is a smoker and is overweight (BMI 30) for which education including smoking cessation and weight loss was provided as well as referral to Toowong Cardiac Rehabilitation. 

✅I would appreciate (it) if you could consider this patient. Please contact me if you require any further information.

 Yours sincerely,
Dr. Ross McIntyre
Cardiothoracic Surgeon
Spirit Hospital

 

• Purpose: 3/3

• Content: 7/7

• Clarity & consciousness: 7/7

• Genre & Style: 6/7

• Organization and layout 6/7

• Language 6/7

  A Overall score: (470)

 

@mobina-sharifzadeh

 

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Dr Omar,

Re: Mrs. Somarni Khaze

DOB: 12/04/1972

✅I am writing to refer Mrs. Khaze , a 46-year-old mother of 4 who requires your consultation about (regarding) (the) possibility of undergoing immediate reconstructive surgery after being diagnosed with a moderately differentiated invasive ductal carcinoma in her left breast. 

• استفاده از واژه “possibility” در این جمله باعث می‌شود که منظور گنگ شود، در حالی‌که اگر بیمار تمایل خودش به جراحی بازسازی را ابراز کرده و شما صرفاً برای مشاوره و ادامه‌ی روند به متخصص ارجاع می‌دهید، بهتر است جمله‌ای مستقیم‌تر و روشن‌تر داشته باشیم. نسخه بهتر را در پایین بخوانید: 

I am writing to refer Mrs Khaze, a 46-year-old mother of four, for consultation and urgent reconstructive surgery following her diagnosis of moderately differentiated invasive ductal carcinoma in the left breast. She has expressed her preference to undergo surgery under your care. (جمله آخر واجب نیست)

✅On 22/10/2018 , she first presented to me complaining of a 6 months history of a (an) almond-size mass in her left breast with no growth (no change in size) over that period of time. Examination revealed a firm, non-tender , 2×2 cm , marginally ill-defined lump in her left breast(,) accompanied by some palpable mobile axillary nodules , and the right breast was normal. In view of having a history of a right breast lumpectomy due to a benign lesion in 2013  and a positive cancer history (family history of cancer) in her sister , a mammogram and an ultrasound were ordered. 

• with a six-month history of

✅On review 3 days ago, her left breast ultrasound showed variable echogenicity  and mammogram revealed a highly malignancy suspicious area and (along with) some axillary nodules. Therefore, a core biopsy was carried out and different treatment options were discussed . Additionally, diazepam 10 mg at night was prescribed to relieve her anxiety of results and associated sleep disturbance. 

✅Please note , Mrs. Khaze’s mammogram was normal 2 years ago and she is not on any regular medication. In terms of social history, she has never been a smoker or alcohol consumer. (بهتر بود آورده نشه)

• Regarding her social history

✅It would be greatly appreciated if you could assess her condition. Should you require any further information , please do not hesitate to contact me.

Yours sincerely,

Dr. Meisam Mirzaei

GP

• Purpose: 3/3

• Content: 5/7

• Clarity & consciousness: 4/7

• Genre & Style: 4/7

• Organization and layout 5/7

• Language 5/7

  B Overall score: (390)

 

@989140459378