[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

1✅I am writing to refer Mr. Brew, who requests (requires) urgent further evaluation and treatment. He has been diagnosed with stage 3 cancer at the gastroesophageal junction. 

2✅Five days ago, he was admitted to Seymour Hospital with intense gnawing pain below his sternum. He has been experiencing difficulty swallowing for the past 4-5 months. He has epigastric tenderness upon palpation. His appearance was pale, malnourished, and distressed. His joints were prominent with evidence of muscle wasting, resulting in weakness in daily routine activities. Oxycodone and dextrose were administered as required. NICE👍

3✅Regarding his medical, social, and family history (regarding his history), he has lost 10 kg of weight over the past 6 months (BMI: 18.5). He has been suffering from gastric reflux since 2003, for which he has taken (has been taking)  over-the counter medication since 2001**. He is a non-smoker but drinks alcohol 60 cans of beer per week. His father died from (of) stomach cancer in 2011. 

**OTC medication since 2001 for heartburn.

4✅We transferred him via Seymor Ambulance Service to your hospital (Use passive form). He underwent an endoscopy, biopsy, and barium swallow, and (full stop “.”) all the results are attached, along with a vital sign table, to this letter. 

**It was better to mention that “The results of the endoscopy and biopsy indicated stage 3 cancer.”

5✅I would greatly appreciate it if you could evaluate his condition for surgery, radiotherapy, and chemotherapy treatment. 

If you have any more questions, please do not hesitate to contact me. Yours sincerely

• Purpose 2.5/3

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• Organization and layout 6/7

• Language 5/7

  B Overall score: (370)

@sabashoaee75gmail-com

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Ms Gold,

Re:Mr George Gale , DOB:24/04/1936

I’m (I am) writing to refer Mr. Brew, a 36-year-old drycleaner man, who requires your urgent assessment and treatment due (to) his stage 3 esophageal cancer.

Mr. Brew presented to us on 6 july 2019 with a complaint of intense gnawing pain straight (just/immediately) below sternum. *He was diagnosed with stage 3 esophageal cancer, **moreover in a epigastric palpation, tenderness was indicated (noted/detected/observed). His vital signs are (were) stable and (but) his appearance are (was) pale, distressed and malnourished. The patient’s BMI is 18.5 which falls into a (an) underweight category. His joint’s are (were) prominent for which evidence (indicating) of muscle wasting.

1. این جمله باید بعد از ارایه شرح حال بیمار در زمان ادمیت شدن، و در ادامه انجام آزمایشات پزشکی آورده شود. در واقع تشخیص سرطان بعد از حضور بیمار، معاینات و آزمایشات داده شده. به نمونه رایتینگ داده شده در دوره رجوع کنید.

2. rephrased: “Additionally, tenderness was noted upon epigastric palpation”

• Something was noted upon examination

• Something was noted on examination

3. به زمان افعال دقت کنید. تمام جملات این پاراگراف به اطلاعات گرفته شده در زمان حضور بیمار 6 July اشاره دارند و باید گذشته به کار روند

During hospitalization, endoscopy, biopsy and barium swallow were done (performed/conducted) (on 7-8 july2019 ) (the results of) which are attached. His weight is (has) reduced 10kg over the past 6 months. The patient is physically active and non-smoking (smoker), but he is (an) excessive alcohol drinker.

The patient’s medical history includes gastric reflux since 2001 , in addition the patient (is) dealing with a weakness due to (during?) his daily routine activities. The patient suffering with myopia fog which he wears glasses. **These information are not related to the task

It is  worth noting that his father died in 2011 due to stomach cancer.

It would be greatly appropriated if you take over Mr. Brew’s care and management as you think appropriate.

 

Yours Sincerely

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  C Overall score: (280)

 

@hadiaghayan0gmail-com

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

✅I am writing to request an ongoing monitoring adherence to exercise and dietary regimen for Mr. O Riley*, an elderly patient with (a) diagnosis of obstructive coronary artery disease who underwent CABG in our hospital on 04 Sep2019 and (is) due to be discharged on(X) tomorrow. 

*The first sentence structure need to be revised:

• I am writing to request ongoing monitoring of Mr. O’Riley’s adherence to his exercise and dietary regimen. ( I am writing to

✅Initially he presented to Spirit Hospital and was diagnosed with obstructive coronary artery disease on 02 Sep2019 and underwent coronary artery bi-pass graft on 04 Sep 2024. 

✅During hospitalization, suitable nursing treatment and management have been provided ,and his condition has made steady progress. Although a local physiotherapist started (a) rehabilitation exercise program, (the) patient is not compliant to (with) do daily light exercise. 

*Compliant with doing sth: Complaint with doing daily light exercise.

✅Regarding his social and medical history, he has been a heavy smoker, drinker, and has had HTN for which he takes metoprolol (Beta bloc).as far as?  (As) he has had (an) unhealthy diet, Patient was strongly advised on (advised to follow) low-calorie and low cholesterol diet (,)but he is not keen on to follow it (keen on following it). it’s worth to note (it is worth noting that) his weight is 99kg (BMI:34.3) which falls in (the) overweight category. Please note (that) he is an(X) allergic to peanuts.. 

In view of the above information, your assistance and monitoring of diet, advise (advising) (to) stop smoking and reduce (reducing) alcohol intake regarding this case would be highly appreciated. 

Revised:

• In view of the above information, your assistance in monitoring his diet, advising him to stop smoking, and reducing his alcohol intake would be highly appreciated.

Please do not hesitate to contact me, if you need any further information. Your sincerely nurse 

• Purpose 3/3

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  B Overall score: (380)

@mohammadhaddadi92gmail-com

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Re: Mrs. Bronwyn Green ,DOB:15/Mar/1950 

✅I am writing to request ongoing care for Mrs. Green ,an elderly widow who was admitted on 18/Jan/2019, and she* is due to be discharged tomorrow. 

*Duplicated subject in a “compound sentence”

✅Mrs. Green was diagnosed with mild adenocarcinoma in (on the) admission date. Two days later, she underwent a right-side hemicolectomy. Following the operation, she spent 5 days in (the) ICU and 3 weeks in the Rehabilitation Ward under our care. During hospitalization , her condition has been promising. Mrs. Green is able to walk with (a) mobility aid , her mental status is constant (stable)  and (she*) has an adequate appetite. 

*In the first sentence the subject is “her mental health” so in the next sentence you cannot omit “she”

✅Regarding her medical history, she has been suffering from hypertension since 1994, COPD since 2005 and depression since2014, for which she is taking a variety of medication. For full details, see the attached medication chart. 

✅Mrs. Green lives alone but receives support from her sister, who lives in the near (who lives nearby). She is able to self medication (to self medicate:verb). An abdominal dressing is required to change  (requires to be changed) three times a week, and her oxygen use needs to be monitored. 

If you require any further information, please do not hesitate to contact me. Yours sincerely Charge Nurse 

• Purpose 3/3

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  B Overall score: (410)

@ferdous

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Re: Mrs. Bronwyn Green ,DOB:15/Mar/1950 

Dear Sir/Madam,

 

I am writing regarding Mr. Brew, who was admitted to our hospital five days ago. He has been diagnosed  with stage 3 esophageal cancer in (the) gastroesophageal junction area since then. He requires to transfer to your center urgently to perform further evaluation and treatment.**

*He requires an urgent transfer to your center for further evaluation and treatment.

On admission, Mr. Brew appeared pale, malnourished and distressed. He has been experiencing difficulty swallowing for five months. Additionally, He has extreme, gnawing pain immediately below his sternum. Although his vital signs were normal, his BMI is below (the) normal range (18.5). His joints appeared prominent (,) with evidence of some muscle wasting, and he (X duplicated) has epigastric tenderness on poleitation (palpation?). 

During hospitalization, endoscopy, biopsy, (and) barium swallow were performed and their results are attached.

In terms Mr. Drew’s medical background, he drinks alcohol approximately 60 cans (of) beer per week, and his heartburn has been treated with over the counter medications since 2011. Moreover, Oxycodone 1 mg was administered as needed.*

*Current medications: Oxycodone IV 1 mg/ml in 0.9% saline, 5% dextrose/water (not provided in the writing)

On the view above, it would be appreciated if you could evaluate Mr. Brew for surgery or chemotherapy treatment. Please be aware that Mr. Brew will be transferred  to the Smithfield Cancer Centre immediately by Seymour Ambulance Service. 

 

If you have any further queries, please feel free to contact me.

 

Yours faithfully,

 

• Purpose 2.5/3

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  C+ Overall score: (340)

@narminbigzadeh1996gmail-com

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Ms Hudson

Re: Alice Cooper   DOB: 14 June 2009

I am writing to request your (a) psychological  assessment for Alice, a 10-year-old student girl at our primary school regarding (due to) underlying grief-related or other psychological problems.

She lost her father last year in an accident who had a close relationship to (with)*. From (according to) school health centre records, she has been complaining from (of)  a range of non-serious health problems since the father’s death time (since her father’s death) (,) which have resulted in regular absences from school. Alice has few friends due to her low self esteem and has difficulty concentration (concentration difficulty) since grade 3. She is not willing to join class and sport activities at school and often be teased by her classmates. (she is often teased by her classmates)

Alice has asthma and eczema which outbreaks on her hands and makes her embarrassment (embarrassed). Her BMI is 21(,) which indicates (that) she is overweight. She lives with her mother and 2 siblings.

Rephrased: He BMI is 21, indicating that she is overweight

Ms Cooper, Alice’s mothers (,) works full time as a bank manager. She is concerned about her daughter‘s condition and expresses that Alice is overeating and talking about her father makes her cry.

I would be greatly appreciate for your professional assessment in this case (,) and if you require any further information (,) please do not hesitate to contact me.

Your sincerely

School Nurse

 

 

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  C+ Overall score: (380)

@989189925001

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

I am writing to request a home visit for Ms.Oliva Jack,a 19–year–old woman who underwent a cesarean section and requires assistance and advice on caring for (her) newborn baby. Ms. Jack is going to be discharged today.

Initially,on 09/06/2019,Ms. Jack was brought to the hospital and admitted due to childbirth, who had an urgent cesarean section.  (reason not included: fetal distress and failure to progress)

Rephrased: Ms. Jack was brought to the hospital and admitted for childbirth, during which she underwent an urgent cesarean section.

Post operatively, Ms. Jack lost mild blood* due to postpartum hemorrhage, for which she was commenced FEFOL VIT SPANSULE and vitamin C.Her baby was born with a 3.9kg weight and (was) healthy. 

Rephrased: Ms. Ms. Jack experienced mild blood loss

During hospitalization, Ms. Jack started breastfeeding to her baby. However, she preferred to feed her newborn baby through a bottle feeding (preferred bottle-feeding). The baby’s weight is 3.7kg currently. Ms. Jack is not confident in bathing and caring for her baby.

Ms .Jack lives in a rental shared flat with another woman and has not contacted her father of a child (father of her child) for 9 months and her family. She feels very isolated and insecure.

In view of the above,I would appreciate it if you could assist and manage her condition for (in) caring for her baby.

If you have any queries, please do not hesitate to contact me.

yours faithfully 

Nurse

 

• Purpose 2.5/3

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  C+ Overall score: (315)

@989032228116

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Re: Mr. Bruce Brew Aged :36 

✅Thank you for accepting Mr Bruce Brew, a 36-year-old physically active man who requires urgent and comprehensive evaluation and treatment due to diagnosis of stage 3 esophagus (esophageal) cancer. 

✅Mr Brew was admitted to our hospital on 07 July 2019 with complaint of a difficulty in swallowing over the past 3 months and onset of gnawing pain below the sternum. On examination he appeared pale, malnourished, (and) anxious. Additionally, prominent joints with evidence of some muscle wasting, and epigastric tenderness on palpation were noticeable. 

• ”Swallowing” is an uncountable noun

• Rephrase to “swallowing difficulty” for smoother phrasing

✅During hospitalization, he underwent endoscopy ,biopsy ,and barium swallow .the reports of these investigations are enclosed for your review. 

✅Regarding his medical history, he has been* (is) a heavy alcohol drinker (60 cans/week), and has had gastric reflux (heartburn) since 2003 (,) which was self-managed (has been self-managing) by over-the-counter medicine. notably he has lost weight 10 kgs over the past 6 months, which may be related to his current condition. Additionally, his father passed away following (from) stomach cancer in 2011. 

• Use the simple present tense for facts and ongoing events, as “has been” might imply that he used to drink but has now stopped.

His vital signs are all within in normal limits, and he is scheduled to be transferred today by Seymour Ambulance Service. I would be grateful if you could provide further evaluation and treatment due to his esophagus (esophageal) cancer, and assist him with (his) daily routine activities.

Should you require any further information, please do not hesitate to contact me. 

Yours sincerely 

Mohammad Hadadi 

Charge nurse

 

• Purpose 3/3

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  B Overall score: (420)

⭐ Congratulations! That was Wonderful⭐

@mohammadhaddadi92gmail-com

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Re : Mr Peter Dunbar 

DOB  18.03.1932

I'm writing to introduce you Mr Peter Dunbar, an elderly patient of our community health center,  who is due to move to Centre ville to live with his daughter. 

Mr Peter Dunbar has type 2 diabetes , for which metformin 500 mg 3 times a day has been commenced (prescribed) since 2017. On (In) 2018 , he was hospitalised with a myocardial infarction and a following artial (atrial) fibrillation for which Ramipril 5 mg daily,  sotalol  40 mg daily and Warfarin in variable doses (3-5 mg) has (have) been prescribed.

(please note that,) Mr Peter Dunbar is non-compliant with his medication and diet.

Now, his daughter needs to be educated to (about) his (her) father's diet and medication. Therefore she would be able to take care of her father effectively (so that she can take care of him effectively). Please note that Mr Peter Dunbar needs to be (should be) encouraged to take his medicines regularly and reduce (his) salt,  sugar and alcohol consumption. 

I would appreciate it if you take (provide) ongoing monitoring on (for) this patient and manage (arrange) to visit him weekly (on a weekly basis). 

Should you have further queries,  please do not hesitate to contact me. 

Sincerely

Nurse

• Purpose 3/3

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  B Overall score: (390)

@Mahya

[Siavash Zare]

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Dear District Nurse 

Re: Mr Bill O’Riley 

I am writing to request ongoing monitoring for Mr O’Riley, a 59-year-old truck driver man, who was admitted to our hospital with a diagnosis of obstructive coronary artery disease and is due to be discharged tomorrow.

One week ago, Mr O’Riley underwent a coronary artery bypass graft operation, and has made steady progress during hospitalization. Due to the fact that the patient is obese (BMI: 34.3) and follows an unhealthy diet, a dietary consultation was conducted. He was advised to follow a low-calorie, low- cholesterol diet. However, he is reluctant to follow (adhere) (the) dietitian’s recommendations.

Mr O’Riley lives alone and does not participate in any exercise. During hospitalization, the (a) rehabilitation exercise program was started, and the patient was advised to do light daily exercise and avoid heavy lifting. The patient has a history of HTN, for which he takes Betaloc. He is a heavy smoker and was advised to cease smoking.

A follow-up visit with a local GP, Dr Jensen, has been scheduled for September 15, at 14:00 . It is important to note that there is a possibility of noncompliance.

In view of the above, I believe Mr O’Riley requires home visits to be monitored regarding adherence (to monitor his adherence to..) (his) exercise, dietary regimen, smoking cessation, and reduced alcohol consumption.

It would be greatly appreciated if you could provide him with your ongoing care. If any further information is required, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Yours sincerely,

 

• Purpose 3/3

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  B Overall score: (430) Well Done!

@azmgm-com

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Re:Mr Alison Greene,DOB:12/10/1951

I am writing to inform you regarding Mr Alison Greene,a widowed man (widower) who requires care due to monitoring (to monitor) his blood suger level and (manage) (his) pain while he is going to visit his daughter from 5 to 7 september.

Rephrased: I am writing to inform you about Mr. Alison Greene, a widower who requires care to monitor his blood sugar levels and manage his pain while he visits his daughter from September 5 to 7.

Mr Greene is experiencing (has) breast cancer which metastases (metastasized:past verb) to (his) bone and brain, and he also was (he was also) diagnosed with type 2 Diabetes since (in) january 2010, for which he is taking metformin and insulin.He also underwent chemotherapy due to (for) his bone metastases, which was unsuccessful, and now Mr greene and his daughter are reluctant (to) further chemotherapy and home palliative care is (being) continued.

Rephrased: Mr. Greene has breast cancer that has metastasized to his bones and brain, and he was also diagnosed with type 2 diabetes in January 2010, for which he is taking metformin and insulin. He underwent chemotherapy for his bone metastases, which was unsuccessful. As a result, Mr. Greene and his daughter are reluctant to pursue further chemotherapy, and home palliative care is being continued.

Mr greene’s symptoms are under controlled (being controlled) by insuline and subcutaneous morphine infusion but the blood sugar level has been (have) increased over (the) last 3 days. 

For your information,(a) butterfly needle on left arm and (with) transparent dressing is prepared which doesn't need to changing (to be changed) until 2 days (for two days). Please note that the syringe driver (Mckinley T34 pump) also is prepared (provided) for administering morphine which needs to be replenished daily.

Considering the above,if you need clarification about Mckinley pump, please contact to Newtown hospital.

Your sincerely,

Nurse.

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  C Overall score: (270)

@ar-jalali13777731gmail-com

[Siavash Zare]

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Dear Nurse-in-charge,

Re:Ms Margaret Helen Martin, D0B:25 july1935

I am writing to refer Ms Martih,a 82-year-old single woman ,who requires ongoing care after discharge due to (following) a repeated angioplasty (repeat angioplasty) today as a result of coronary artery disease and angina.

During time in care, Mrs Martin received routine post-operative recovery. She has tollorated (a) light diet and fluids on a low-calorie ,high protein,low cholesterol,gluten-free diet,which supervised by a dietitian. Her wound is Healing well and hasn’t had any signs (shows no signs) of infection or bleeding. Currently, her medical condition (is) stable and she (is) ready to be discharged tomorrow,(.) pending (the) cardiologist’s report (??),but(?) Mrs Martin is anxious regarding his ability to administer (manage) her selfcare (self care) activities and house hold (household) chories (chores).

Regarding her medical history,she has had coeliac disease and coronary artery disease and underwent (her) first angioplasty 10 years ago. she also has (she also has) had (has) hypertension. For wich she is taking a vareity of medications.For full  details,see the attached medication chart.Her current BMI shows her obesety (BMI:29.5)

It would be greatly appriciated if you could provide home care  visits for monitoring of (to monitor her…) her wound site for any bruising or infection and her adherence to (the/her) medication regime as-well-as arrange a regular family visits to monitor her progress and prevent of her social isolation. In addition a regular dietitian monitoring due to reciving weekly meals on wheels and schedule an appointment with (a) physiotherapist who determines daily light excersise, will be needed.

Rephrased: regular monitoring by a dietitian is needed due to her receiving weekly Meals on Wheels, and an appointment should be scheduled with a physiotherapist to determine daily light exercise.

If you require any further information,please don’t hesitate to contact me.

Yours sincerely

Ward Nurse

*spelling errors

 

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  C+ Overall score: (320)

@zahra0jafarigmail-com

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear:Ms Smith,

Re:Ms Marthan Brown, DOB:23/09/1941

I am writing to inform you regarding Ms Marthan Brown,a widowed home care patient,who has currently (recently) experienced dog bite,and UTI. She requires your professional assistance due to her being discharged. (following/after her discharge)

• “due to” introduces a clause of reason.

On 20/11/19, Ms Marthan presented with four puncture wounds on her right hand who had brought (being brought: passive, آورده شد) to ED by her neighbor. She indicated (had) a low -grade fever (37.3 c) ,and disabled (was unable) to move his hand (pain 6/10),whom we performed diagnostic tests which later attributed to UTI. 

*indicate:نشان دادن (توسط خود بیمار) – «خانم مارتان» خود به نوعی تب را نشان می‌دهد یا آن را اعلام می‌کند. این ساختار در انگلیسی طبیعی نیست

Ms Marthan has a history of Diabetes mellitus which is managed by (with) Metformin,and Rheumatoid arthritis was diagnosed in 2004*. Please note that she is dealing with old fractures (right lateral malleolus and left hand) which had occurred following her (a) fall.

Rephrased: Ms. Marthan has a history of diabetes mellitus, which is managed with Metformin, and was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis in 2004.

شکستگی های سال‌های گذشته بیمار ارتباطی با تسک نامه ندارد. و در کیس نوت هم اشاره‌ای نشده که بیمار با شکستگی های قبلی مشکل دارد.

During her time In care,we injected tetanus prophylaxis (use passive: tetanus prophylaxis was administered) ,in addition,Ms Marthan’s wound has been dressed with saline and iodine, covering with padding and bandage (cleaned with saline and iodine, padding and bandage were applied).additionally, Co-amoxiclav 500mg Tds has been commenced, please continue (which should be continued) for seven days, adhering? paracetamol as required.

Rephrased: Co-amoxiclav 500 mg TDS was also commenced, which should be continued for seven days, alongside paracetamol as needed.

Based on her circumstances, Ms Marthan’s UTI symptoms need to be monitored, continuing her wound dress two times a week for two weeks as the way I mentioned upper (above). (Her wound dressings should continue twice a week for two weeks as previously mentioned) Although** (As) she is being treated with antibiotics, encourage her (should be encouraged) to increase her fluid intake and report any difficulty to her family doctor because her daughter is far away from her. 

• “although” implies a contrast

I would be grateful if you could observe her for subsequent appointment with her doctor on 30/11/19

If you have any queries, please feel free to contact me.

Your sincerely,

Charge nurse.

 

• Purpose 2.5/3

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• Language 4/7

  C+ Overall score: (325)

• لطفا روی افعال صحیح بیشتر تمرین کنید.

• جملات مرکب و پیچیده عمدتا با ساختار اشتباه نگارش شده اند.

@ar-jalali13777731gmail-com

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Ms Cobb

Re: Mrs Margaret Goldstein, 12 years old

✅I am writing regarding Mrs Goldstein, a 12-year-old resident at your facility, who requires monitoring of (for) her dislocated elbow following a fall. She is now medically stable and is due to be discharged back into your full-time care. 👍

✅Following the falling (fall), Mrs Goldstein was admitted to our hospital. An X-ray revealed a right dislocated elbow (a dislocated right elbow), for which the (her) elbow was placed in a cuff with (do  sling. The patient was also commenced on oxycodone, Atacand Plus, and Remeron. Due to the fact that Mrs Goldstein suffers from progressive Alzheimer’s disease, she required assistance with her activities of daily living. She has been experiencing bladder and bowel incontinence. However, she was (has been) non-compliant with wearing disposable briefs.

✅Please note that a physiotherapy appointment has been scheduled for November 32, at 25:11. The skin on her elbow and coccyx remains intact. The patient required (requires) a wheelchair to transfer.

✅It would be greatly appreciated if you (could) monitor her elbow and follow the decision made by the physiotherapist regarding the (continue) use of the cuff with (the) sling. Additionally, given her (considering)  incontinence, please observe her condition and arrange a referral to a urologist if required (necessary).

If any further information is required, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Yours sincerely

Charge Nurse

 

• Purpose 3/3

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  B Overall score: (430)

@azmgm-com

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Ms ponsford,

Re:Lionel Ramamurthy, age 63

✅Mrs Ramamurthy is ready for discharge tomorrow from Newtown Public Hospital back into your retirement home after being admitted on 04/02/2019 due to pneumonia.

• Grammar: ✅ Clarity: 4/7

• Mrs. Ponsford is scheduled for discharge tomorrow from Newtown Public Hospital to return to your retirement home, following her admission on 04/02/2019 due to pneumonia: Grammar: ✅ Clarity: 7/7

On admission she had acute shortness of breath,fever and sleeplessness as well as abdominal and chest pain following (a) severe cough. He was relied on mobility aids.

During hospitalization,She spent about one week in our rehabilitation ward and has made steady progress. Although her inflammatory signs back (have returned) to satisfactory level, she (still) has dry cough and some chest and  abdominal pain. In addition (,) She has no fever and (but?) her weight loss as a result of a poor diet has increased following review by a dietitian*. She (is) currently  independents (noun) with her mobility and daily activities under supervision.

• Clarity: 3/7

• Her weight loss prompted a review by a dietitian.

Regarding her medical history,he has suffering(?) from type 2 diabetes which is managed by only diet and has a long history of COPD disease.

Kindly continue her ongoing assessment and management for her overall well-being.A dietitian monitoring for adequate oral fluids and good nutrition will be required. Please note her mobility and chest physiotherapy need to be monitored by a physiotherapist. She should be sits* down more than lies* down to ensure (promote) postural drainage. Please consider keeping warm him. Paracetamol is prescribed as required.

• Regular monitoring by a dietitian for adequate oral fluids and good nutrition is recommended.

• She should be encouraged to sit more than lie down 

• After modal verbs like “should,” “can,” “could,” “might,” etc., the verb should always be in its base (simple) form.

• Please ensure she is kept warm.

If you have any queries,please don’t hesitate Nurse e to contact me.

Yours sincerely,

Charge 

 

• Purpose 2.5/3

• Content 6/7

• Clarity 3/7

• Genre & Style 4/7

• Organization and layout 5/7

• Language 4/7

  C+ Overall score: (340)

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