[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Oncologist

Re: Mr Bruce Brew, 36 years old

✅I am writing to transfer Mr Brew, who was admitted to Seymour hospital on 06/07/2019 due to the (with a / for) diagnosis and treatment of stage 3 esophageal cancer. He requires your immediate treatment following his discharge today.

Rephrased:
… on 06/07/2019 with a diagnosis of stage 3 esophageal cancer for treatment

✅On admission, Mr Brew has had (had: Past simple) normal vital signs, (.) however (,) he was appeared (appeared: active) pale and distressed. He has has had (had: Past simple) difficulty in swallowing over the past 4-5 months, associated with an Intense gnawing pain immediately below his sternum. Also, an epigastric tenderness ( ,along with epigastric pain)

• به جای استفاده مدام از فعل had از افعالی مثل experience یا suffer from استفاده کنید.

• وقتی میگیم on admission زمان افعال باید گذشته ساده باشه چون به یک زمان در گذشته که تمام شده اشاره دارد.

• pain غیر قابل شمارش است.

❌Based on the attached test results, the surgery (surgical), radio (radiotherapy) or chemotherapy treatment (treatment  options) was (were) evaluated for him.

• فعل evaluate یعنی مورد بررسی قرار دادن، و این از درخواست های نامه باید باشد که در اینجا به شکل پسیو آورده شده و این معنا رو میده که این درمان ها برای بیمار مورد بررسی قرار گرفته است.

Mr Brew reported a 10 kg weight loss during the past 6 months (BMI: 18.5) and weakness.As well as  was observed (?) , for which an endoscopy, biopsy and barium swallow were performed. He consumes approximately 60 cans of beer every week.

He has a family history of stomach cancer in his father and has (been) suffering from gastric reflux since 2001(,) that he treats with over-the-counter medication. Oxycodone IV 1 mg/ml in 0/9% saline and 5%dextrose/water was administered for him as needed.

• اطلاعات در این نامه به خوبی organize نشده

It would be appreciated if you could provide ongoing care, urgent tests and treatments for Mr Brew who(,) will be transferred by Seymour Ambulance Service.

Please do not hesitate to contact me for more queries.

Yours sincerely

Charge Nurse

Seymour Hospital

 

 

• Purpose 2.5/3

• Content 5/7

• Clarity 4/7

• Genre & Style 5/7

• Organization and layout 4/7

• Language 4/7

  C+ Overall score: (330)

@mahsa-hamzei

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Nurse

Re: Mr Bill O`Riley : D.O.B: 12/01/1960

I am writing to request ongoing monitoring (for Mr. O`Riley) , a 59-year-old driver man , who was admitted to the Spirit Hospital on 02/09/2019 for obstructive coronary artery disease and he is due to be discharged tomorrow.

• a 59-year-old driver man → فقط یک اسم باید آورده شود، یا Man یا driver. همزمان دو اسم غلط میشه.

He was admitted in (to) our hospital and underwent the coronary artery bi-pass graft surgery after 2 days. After that (Following the procedure), his routine post operative recovery was done (managed), additionally his wounds are healing and (he) has a good progress after the operation. (he has made good progress)

• After that: is not formal in medical writings

• در جمله مرکب آخر فاعل جمله دوم he نباید حذف میشد چون فاعل جمله اول His wounds است و یکی نیستند.

Regarding his medical history, he has had (has) hypertension, which is controlled by (with) metoprolol and has an allergy to peanuts.

• در زمان اشاره به current medical condition از زمان حال ساده استفاده کنید.

He has (an) adverse (poor) appetite and has (is) overweight (BMI:34.3). He also does not have exercise program in his daily routine, as well as (and) is a heavy smoker and alcohol drinker.

I would appreciate it if you follow-up (on) his physiotherapy, (and) dietary (dietary management) and help (him) to change his lifestyle after discharge. He needs further monitoring to (to ensure) adherence to exercise and dietary regime, specially quitting the smoke (in quitting smoking) and alcohol. He has also been scheduled to visit the local GP on 15/09/2019.

• “help to change” → “assist him in making lifestyle changes”

If you require any further information, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Yours sincerely,

Registered Nurse

Spirit Hospital

 

• Purpose 3/3

• Content 6/7

• Clarity 4/7

• Genre & Style 4/7

• Organization and layout 5/7

• Language 4/7

B Overall score: (370)

@shukufe-zarezade

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Mrs Kullen,

Re: Mr Jake Peterson, DOB:17 Mar 2007

✅I am writing to introduce Jake Paterson, who has (presents) clinical features of alopecia with (and) probable depression. He now requires your ongoing care and support.

✅Jake has a family history of baldness and depression. He drinks 20 units of alcohol per week. He (and) is physically active.

✅In May 2014, Jake presented with hair loss in patches (patchy hair loss) due to anxiety. Following  a Trichologist’s review(,) the aetiology remained unknown. He was commenced (on) steroid cream(,) which (but) he experienced sleep loss  and personality changes. Therefore, he was discontinued  the medication.

• the medication was discontinued

✅Jake returned with a relapse condition after four years regrowth and stabilization. His weight decreased 6 kg in two months and was reluctant to see a Doctor. He prefered (decided/started…)to try a homeopathy therapy which was ineffective after one year and increased (worsen) his distress along with having low mood. In May 2019, Jake increased alcohol consumption (to) minimum 28 units per week. In June-July 2019, he was (became) significantly anxious and intensified hair loss due to his exam (his hair loss had intensified), for which was arranged a separate exam room for him.

• “Therapy” is generally uncountable

• his hair loss had intensified: دقت کنید فاعل اینجا hair loss باید باشه و نه بیمار.

• سعی کنید خلاصه تر بنویسید؛ مثلا نیازی نبود بگید از june تا July، همین که خواننده بدونه بیمار مصرف الکل رو بیشتر کرده کافیه. یادتون باشه در چنین نامه هایی همیشه وضعیت اکنون بیمار مهمتره و شرح حال قدیمی بیمار خیلی خلاصه تر آورده میشه.

Today, Jake has been worried (has expressed concern) regarding transition to university and having independent living. (living independently.)

I would appreciate it if you could monitor Jake’s condition. Kindly provide support specially exam situation(?) to him. If you have any queries, please feel free to contact me.

• Case note: organise special exam arrangements لطفا دقت کنید درخواست های نامه به درستی و واضح قید شوند. عبارت بالا که خط کشیده شده از لحاظ معنایی واضح نیست و این نمره purpose رو کم میکنه!

Yours sincerely,

Nurse

• Purpose: 2/3

• Content: 6/7

• Clarity & consciousness: 4/7

• Genre & Style: 4/7

• Organization and layout 5/7

• Language 4/7

  C+ Overall score: (330)

@mahsa

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Ms Wilknis,

Re: Mis Aisha Amari , 75 years old

I am writing to request ongoing assistance at home for Mrs Amari , a 75-year-old widow, who presented to our clinic today with ankle pain.

• "ongoing home assistance"

On admission, she had (a) complaint of left foot pain, weak ankle, and (a) burning sensation in her foot. In addition, she was disorientation (disoriented) about (to) place and time. She was prescribed paracetamol and menthol heat cream to alleviate her pain.

• "she had complaint" → "she complained"

Regarding her medical history, she has mild dementia and blurred vision. She also has hypertension for 3 years, which is controlled with beta-blockers. Additionally, she is a diabetic and uses (takes) metformin, and complying (with) the diabetic diet is so crucial for her.

• "is a diabetic" → "has diabetes"

• Complying with something

She can do some daily activities independently, but she has (a) pull-cord in her bedroom and bathroom for emergency circumstances.

• "do" → "perform" (More formal)

• این پاراگراف رو باید قبل از medical history به دلیل اهمیت بیشتر می آوردید.

Please note, she can not speak English and her son helps her as an interpreter. Therefore, she should be carry a mobile phone with herself all the time.

• "should be carry" → "should carry"

kindly continue monitoring the patient's foot and ankle, and assist to her personal care and household chores twice a week and three hours in each day. (,) As well as providing assistive devices are (is) recommended.

• "assist to her" → "assist her with personal care"

I would appreciate you for your assist. If you require further information , please do not hesitate to contact me.

• "I appreciate your assistance.”

Yours sincerely,

Registered Nurse

• Purpose: 3/3

• Content: 5/7

• Clarity & consciousness: 4/7

• Genre & Style: 4/7

• Organization and layout 4/7

• Language 4/7

  B Overall score: (360)

@shukufe-zarezade

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Nursing Director

Re: Bronwyn Green, DOB: 15/03/1950 

I am writing to refer Ms Bronwyn Green,a 69-year-old widowed woman who was admitted to our hospital on 18/01/2019 with signs and symptoms regarding (of) low-grade adenocarcinoma. She will (is) due to be discharged from hospital tomorrow under (the) escort of his (her) sister and needs your ongoing care regarding her dressing change, monitoring of O2 usage and self-medication.

• ✅ “She is due to be discharged.” If you wanted to use “will”, the correct structure would be: “She will be discharged tomorrow.”

• جملات هایلایت شده باید در بخش‌ پایانی نامه (در قسمت درخواست ها آورده شود. که آورده شده: دوبار آورده شده)

Ms Green first presented at our hospital by escorting of community nursing service under 02 therapy on 18/01/2019. After conducting some tests,she underwent a hemicolectomy on 20/01/2019 and experienced different durations of metabolic and respiratory acidosis due to anaesthetic drugs.

Ms Green was transferred to ICU due to high anxiety and low 02 saturation. In terms of treatment in ICU, her recovery was promising and she revealed evidence of gradual remission in her 02 saturation, wound of incision site and was able to walk by room air. It is considerable that Ms Green has a history of COPD and HTN respectively since 2005 and 1994 for which she is on Tiotropium inhaler 1 puff mane, fluticasone and salmeterol 250/25 mcg inhaler 2 puff every 12 hours.

• “she revealed evidence of gradual remission in her Oxygen saturation” → ✅”her oxygen saturation has been improving”

جملات رو ساده بنویسید، این جمله در یک نامه پزشکی غیر عادی است: “او شواهدی از بهبودی تدریجی در میزان اشباع اکسیژن خود نشان داد.” و این کار هم احتمال خطای گرامری رو بالا میبره هم نمره genre & style رو پایین میاره.

• ✅ “incision site wound”

• اطلاعات هایلایت شده باید حذف شوند. هدف نوشتن نامه ارجاع بیمار به پرستار برای مراقبت ها بعدی است و هیچکدام ازاین اطلاعات برای ادامه مراقبت از بیمار ضروری نیست. در این نامه وضعیت کنونی بیمار اهمیت دارد.

Now, Ms Green is in a stable situation (condition). Her mood is boosted and has a high desire to eating food. However, as before the surgery, she has a urine incontinency in some occasions and needs to be weared pull-up pads. 

• to eating → ✅ “to eat” (simple form of the verb after “to”)

• has a high desire to eat food → ✅has a good appetite

• “needs to be weared pull-up pads” → ✅”requires the use of pull-up pads” or “needs to wear” → Active tense

I would appreciate it if you provide ongoing care for her, regarding (including) monitoring level of (her) O2 saturation, dressing changes (how often?), self-medication and her assistance in (with) activities of daily living.

• “Assistance in” ❌ → “Assistance with” ✅

If you require any further information, (please,) don’t (do not) hesitate to let us know.

Yours sincerely

Nurse of hospital

Word count :230 words

• Purpose: 2/3

• Content: 5/7

• Clarity & consciousness: 3/7

• Genre & Style: 3/7

• Organization and layout 2/7

• Language 3/7

  C Overall score: (260)

⚠️توصیه اکید: رایتینگ های تصحیح شده در سایت رو مطالعه کنید، به عبارات، افعال و جملات رایج در نامه های پزشکی دقت کنید⚠️

@khosro-karami

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Ms Smith,

 

Re: Mrs Martha Brown, DOB: 23/09/1941

 

I am writing to introduce Mrs Martha Brown, a 78-year-old widow, who has been treating her wound following a dog bite. She requires your further care and assessment after her discharge today.

 

• “who has been treating her wound” → “who has been receiving treatment for her wound

 

Today, Mrs Brown sustained a deep incision on her right hand , accompanied by severe pain. She also claimed (reported) a 3-day duration low fever. In addition, her urinalysis has revealed a urinary tract infection(UTI.

a 3-day duration low fever →  ✅a low-grade fever lasting for three days 

1. “Duration” is unnecessary here → a three-day-fever✅

2. low fever → low-grade fever✅

 

During hospitalization, Mrs Brown’s wound has been cleaned with iodine , and saline , which was applied by (followed by) bandaging and padding. Additionally, tetanus vaccine was administered due to (as) prophylaxis. She has (was: passive) prescribed paracetamol 1 gr for four days and a 7-days course co-amoxiclav 500 mg three times a day. Consequently, she has stabilized , however, the mobilisation (mobility ) of her left thumb, index, (and) middle fingers have restricted.

• 7-days course” → ✅“seven-day course”

 

Mrs Brown‘s daughter(,) who is her mother‘s caregiver, has traveled for six weeks.

• Rephrased:
  Please note that her daughter, who is also her caregiver, is away for six weeks.

 

It would be appreciated if you could change Mrs Brown‘s dressing as the same procedure three times in a week. Kindly, observe the signs of UTI. Please, encourage her to increase fluid (fluid intake) (to) more than 8 glasses daily. Please note that, liaise her family doctor if existing any issues , and her follow-up visit is due for (due on) 30 November.

• as the same procedure → using the same procedure

• Please note that, liaise her family doctor → please liaise with her family doctor✅

• if existing any issues → if any issues arise✅

• Rephrased: Her follow-up visit is scheduled for 30 November.

 

Should you have any queries, please do not hesitate to contact me.

 

Yours sincerely,

 

Nurse

• Purpose: 3/3

• Content: 6/7

• Clarity & consciousness: 3/7

• Genre & Style: 4/7

• Organization and layout 6/7

• Language 3/7

  B Overall score: (360)

 

 

@bahar-zahedi

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Nurse

Re: Mr Bill O’Riley DOB: 12.01.1960

 

I am writing to refer Mr Bill O’Riley, a 65-year-old man who was admitted with (a) diagnosis of an obstructive coronary artery disease (,) for which (he) underwent a coronary bypass graft a week ago (previously). His progress after (following) (the) operation was (has been) very well, therefore he can (is able) walk and his surgical wound has been healing (well).

• ❌ “an obstructive coronary artery disease” → uncountable

• قسمت هایلایت شده بهتره در مقدمه نباشه.

A main concern regarding him is his unhealthy lifestyle including; the use (consumption) of fatty and frozen foods(,) and no exercising as well as his sedentary job. Apart from these, he is a heavy smoker and drinker. In terms of his medical history, he has been experiencing a hypertension for which (he) takes metoprolol and his obesity is remarkable (BMI: 34.3). It also is notable he is allergic to peanut.

• ❌no exercising →  lack of exercise✅

• ❌Apart from these → In addition✅(formal)

• “his obesity is remarkable” → “he is notably obese”

• ❌It also is notable → please note that, …✅

 

Some recommendations were given regarding diet, exercise and give up (giving up) smoking. However, it seems he is fairly reluctant to them. A follow up appointment was scheduled with a (his) GP at 2 pm on 15.06.2019.

• “give up smoking” → “smoking cessation”

 

It would be appreciated if you take over monitoring him in adherence to (the) recommendations (,) specifically quit smoking and alcohol consumptions.

• “quit smoking and alcohol consumptions” → “smoking cessation and reducing alcohol consumption”

 

If you require further information, please don’t (do not) hesitate to contact me.

 

Your sincerely

Nurse

 

• Purpose: 3/3

• Content: 6/7

• Clarity & consciousness: 3/7

• Genre & Style: 4/7

• Organization and layout 5/7

• Language 3/7

  B Overall score: (360)

 

 

@989122432687

[علی ایمانی]

با سلام

از دقت نظر جنابعالی و وقتی که برای تصحیح صرف کردید سپاسگزارم .

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Roberts

Re: Mrs. Jasmine Thompson, aged 76

✅Thank you for taking over the care of Mrs. Thompson, an elderly widowed patient who was admitted to our health facility owing to her right shoulder arthritis exacerbation. She underwent surgery and is planned to be discharged today. She requires your ongoing observation (monitoring and support) at home.

• “her right shoulder arthritis exacerbation” → “an exacerbation of right shoulder arthritis”:

• وقتی می‌گیم یک بیمار نیاز به "observation" داره، این بیشتر به معنی فقط نگاه کردن یا بررسی ظاهریه. 

4 days ago, she was complaining of her right shoulder constrained maneuverability. She (subsequently) underwent a right total shoulder replacement from which she has made a satisfactory recovery. She is scheduled to be under (the) supervision of a home nurse after discharge. She has been designed an aggressive care scheme (,)including monitoring (of) her vital signs, (ensuring) her compliance with (the) medication regimen, proper wound care, as well as, assisting (with) her with daily life activities, and a comprehensive evaluation of her neurovascular function. A physiotherapy course has been devised (arranged) which is inclusive of strengthening her upper extremity capacity with multi-faceted exercises, extra (additional) hydrotherapy sessions, unabated (ongoing) education, and a routine appointment. (regular follow-up appointments)

• Rephrased: Four days ago, she presented with right shoulder pain and restricted mobility.

  • "constrained maneuverability" → "limited/restricted mobility"

• "She has been designed" → "An intensive care plan has been designed for her"

  • aggressive → intensive 

• بیمار به مدت طولانی (1997) مشکل درد شانه و آرتروز داشته که سرانجام به عمل ختم شده. هر چند هدف نامه چیز دیگریست اما از جمله اول اینطور برداشت شده که بیمار 4 روز پیش با درد شانه اومده و متعاقبا عمل شده (یکم جور در نمیاد)

Her discharge plan includes encouraging her to attend physiotherapy outpatients (outpatient physiotherapy sessions) 2 (two) times per week(,) along with a supplementary hydrotherapy session per week, ensuring that she uses a sling to immobilize the affected site (shoulder) for 4 weeks, refraining her from heavy lifting for 4 weeks (during this period) , providing her with convenient access to the out-patient department in case of emergency or further queries. It is crucial to consider In-Home Nursing services to administer her regular anticoagulant and assist her with  her hygiene. Her definite date of stitches removal is in 10 days.

• کل قسمت هایلایت شده یک جمله خیلی طولانی است که خوانایی متن رو به شدت کم میکنه و نمره کسر میشه. جملات رو کوتاه کنید. نقطه بذارید و جمله بعدی رو ساده آغاز کنید.

Should you have further questions, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Yours sincerely

Seraj

• Purpose: 3/3

• Content: 5/7

• Clarity & consciousness: 3/7

• Genre & Style: 3/7

• Organization and layout 5/7

• Language 4/7

  B Overall score: (350)

@Serajj

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Ms Simons, 

I am writing to introduce Mrs Alison Greene, who has T4 metastatic breast cancer and diabetes. She is going to visit her daughter from 5th September at 7 am to return home 7th September at 7 pm. She requires your ongoing care and monitoring. 

• who has T4 metastatic breast ca… → a patient with T4 metastatic breast ca… 

• Date formatting → “7 September”

• “…and is expected to return home on 7 September” or “from date to date”

Mrs Greene has been diagnosed with type two diabetes mellitus, for which she takes metformin 500 mg three times a day(,) with (along with) insulin 12 units (12 units of insulin) per day. In addition, she has been experiencing (diagnosed/suffering) invasive ductal carcinoma that metastasis (metastasised: verb) to her brain and bone. Consequently, following (an) unsuccessful chemotherapy(,) was initiated palliative care and(.) Mrs Greene and her daughter were (have: active) agreed with (a) do-not-resuscitate order. 

• → palliative care was initiated

Mrs Greene’s condition was controlled by appropriate treatment including morphine sulphate 15 mg, dulcolax 5mg once a day (daily) at bedtime(,) along with Oramorph 2.5mg as required for pain. Her blood sugar levels were prior to breakfast at 8.2 mmol and after lunch at 110 mmol. 

• Her blood glucose levels were 8.2 mmol/L before breakfast and 11.3 mmol/L after lunch.

• دقت کنید عبارت زمان باید در آخر جمله آورده میشد.

• قند خون بیمار هر روز اندازه گرفته میشه، شما باید آخریش رو بنویسید مثلا:

• Her last blood sugar measurement was …

Mrs Greene’s upper left arm has been prepared with a butterfly (butterfly cannula)(,) which no changing is required and(.) morphine sulfate is (is being) administered through (via) a McKinley T34 pump(,) which should be replenished. Please monitor her blood glucose levels daily. Kindly contact with Newtown Hospital if you notice any issues regarding the pump and continuing management. 

• “which no changing is required” → “which does not require changing”

Should you require more information, please do not hesitate to contact me. 

Yours sincerely, 

Nurse 

• Purpose: 3/3

• Content: 4/7

• Clarity & consciousness: 3/7

• Genre & Style: 4/7

• Organization and layout 5/7

• Language 3/7

  C+ Overall score: (340)

@Mahsa

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Mrs Martinson

Re:Kenneth Phillips DOB:5/ May/1973

I am writing a referral letter to request ongoing care for Mr Phillips ,a 46-year-old divorced man ,who underwent a bilateral lung transplant on 10 January 2019.

Post operation (Post-operatively), he spent 10 days at (in the) ICU Ward ,and was transferred to (the) Thoracic Ward on 20 January 2019. At last , he was transferred to (the) Rehabilitation Ward on 15 February 2019. During the hospitalization , his O2 saturation has made progress (improved) ,and his mood has improved. The patient required to (a) single point stick for his mobilizing ,but now he is independently able to walk , and his appetite is (has) improved. However, he occasionally experiences incontinence of urine ,and he still suffer of (suffers from) stage 2 ulcer pressure.

• "he is independently able to walk"  >>  "He is now able to walk independently"

Regarding his background ,he has suffered from interstitial lung disease since 2012 ,so he subsequently consumes a variety of medications because of that. For more information, the medication chart is attached. The patient lives alone in a unit of a 5-stairs apartment. His sister lives at (in) the same area , so (and) she supports him most of the time.

During the hospitalization(,) he also was so anxious. Based on (her/the) discharge plan , his sister will escort him by taxi. The O2 usage and anxiety require to Monitor (need to be monitored) ,and his coccyx wound need to change dressing every 3 days. (and the dressing on her coccyx wound should be changed every three days.)

(please,) Do not hesitate to contact me if you require further information.

Yours sincerely

Registered Nurse

Rehabilitation Ward

• Purpose: 3/3

• Content: 5/7

• Clarity & consciousness: 3/7

• Genre & Style: 4/7

• Organization and layout 5/7

• Language 4/7

  B Overall score: (360)

@tara-behroozinasab

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Re: Ms Mary Bell, aged 66

Dear Ms Rudic,

I am writing regarding Ms Bell , a 66-year-old retired woman , who is being discharged today. Ms Bell was admitted to our hospital on 24 June 2018 due to unstable diabetes mellitus and left foot minor infection. (a minor infection in her left)

Ms Bell has been suffering from type 2 diabetes mellitus since 2003 (,) for which she is taking a variety of medications. For full detail, (please) see the attached medication chart. Her dietary quality (dietary habits) has decreased (deteriorated) due to increased alcohol intake since retirement. She has also (also has) periodic problems with self-administration of hypoglycemic medication.

During hospitalization, her hypoglycemic medication was continued (,) and antibiotic therapy was prescribed. Her ulcer was dressing (dressed) with saline daily (daily with saline)(,) in addition (and) margins of wound were monitoring. (the wound margins were monitored).

It would be appreciated if you could encourage her to do moderate exercise and social activities, (and) also advise to monitor her diet, medication compliance, blood sugar levels and alcohol intake with life-style plan. (as part of a lifestyle management plan.)

• ❌To do social activities >> ✅ to engage in social activities

If you require information, do not hesitate to contact me.

Yours sincerely,

Registered Nurse.

• Purpose: 2/3

• Content: 3/7

• Clarity & consciousness: 4/7

• Genre & Style: 4/7

• Organization and layout 5/7

• Language 4/7

  C Overall score: (290)

 

@341431444755

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Ms. Hudson

Re: Alice Cooper    DOB: 14/06/2009

✅I am writing to refer Alice, a 10-year-old student , who has been experiencing (exhibiting) signs and symptoms suggestive of underlying grief.

• Experience:تجربه کردن یک حس یا وضعیت  

• Exhibit: نشان دادن علائم یا رفتار  

• The comma after “student” was unnecessary 

✅Alice has had regular absence from school since her father died last year in motor accident (in motor accident last year ), mainly complaining of pain and nausea. She usually does not participate in class activities and has few friends. Her self-steam (steem) is reduced (appears to be low) and often teased (she is often teased) by her classmates due to eczema and being overweight (BMI 21).

✅Regarding her medical history, she has mild asthma and eczema for which she has been using Ventolin inhaler and (a) specific ointment respectively, however, the ointment has not been effective.

✅Alice’s mother, a full time bank manager, reports that Alice is upset at home and often talks about her father and cry (cries). She has one younger brother, one older sister and a grandmother who provides care and support after school and on (during) holidays.

✅It would be greatly appreciated if you could examine, diagnose and treat Alice as you feel appropriate.

Yours sincerely,

School Nurse

• Purpose: 3/3

• Content: 6/7

• Clarity & consciousness: 5/7

• Genre & Style: 5/7

• Organization and layout 6/7

• Language 5/7

  B Overall score: (410)

 

@M.Rajaei

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Re: Ms Margaret Helen Martin, DOB: 25 July 1935

Dear Nurse-in-Charge,

I am writing regarding Ms Martin, an 82-year-old woman, who requires your home visits for monitore (to monitor) (her) adherence to her post-operative medication, daily light exercise plan and dietary regimen after being discharged tomorrow.

• “Monitor adherence” → “ensure adherence”

She was admitted to our hospital on 15 July 2018 due to (for) (a) repeat angioplasty as a result of coronary artery disease and angina.

During hospitalization, Ms Martin received routine post-operative recovery (care) and she also has (has also) tolerated on (She was placed on) a special light diet and fluids, due to BMI (of) 29.5, which (was) supervised by dietitian. The site of catheter insertion is bruised and shows no signs of infection or bleeding, but despite all of those results, she is anxious about returning home.

• ✅Receive care

• ❌Tolerated  معنی: «تحمل کرد» ✅Was placed on (یا “was started on”)

Regarding her medical history, Ms Martin has had coronary artery disease since 2008 and underwent angioplasty 10 years ago. She also has coeliac disease, hypertension and hypercholesterolemia, for which she is taking a variety of medications. For full detail, please see the attached medication chart.

It would be appreciated if you could perform home visits to monitore her wound site for (signs of) bruising or infection, (ensure) adherence to (her) medication regimen and arrange regular family visits to monitore her progress to (to help) reduce danger (risk) of isolation. In addition, (please) monitore her regular visits by (appointments with) her Dr, dietitian and physiotherapist.

If you require any further information, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Yours sincerely,

Ward Nurse.

• Spelling: ❌Monitore ✅Monitor

 

• Purpose: 3/3

• Content: 5/7

• Clarity & consciousness: 3/7

• Genre & Style: 3/7

• Organization and layout 5/7

• Language 3/7

  C+ Overall score: (340)

 

فرق بین “for” و “due to”

 

✅ “for”

✔️ برای بیان هدف یا دلیل انجام یک اقدام استفاده می‌شود.

✔️ بعد از آن اسم یا جراند (ing-form) می‌آید.

 

🔹 مثال‌ها:

 

The patient was admitted for further evaluation and treatment.

She was prescribed antibiotics for treating the infection.

 

✅ “due to”

✔️ برای بیان علت (reason) استفاده می‌شود.

✔️ بعد از آن اسم (noun phrase) می‌آید، نه فعل.

✔️ معمولاً بعد از فعل to be (is, was, were, etc.) می‌آید.

 

🔹 مثال‌های درست:

 

His symptoms are due to an allergic reaction.

The surgery was postponed due to a high fever.

She was admitted to hospital due to something.

 

🚀 اما مراقب باشید! اگر بعد از “due to” یک فعل بیاید، جمله غلط است و باید تغییر کند:

 

❌ She was admitted to hospital due to having severe dehydration.

✅ She was admitted due to severe dehydration.

@341431444755

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Ms.Jasmine Beetson

Re: Ms.Maeve Greerson  DOB 09Oct1960 

I am writing to provide information regarding Ms.Geerson, a 58-year-old Australian widow, who has been diagnosed (was diagnosed) with widespread metastatic lower intestine cancer on (in) March 2019. 

Ms.Greerson underwent laparotomy, partial bowel resection and colostomy. A 6-weeks (6-week) radiation therapy had also been done to reduce the symptoms on (in) April 2019. Her life expectancy had been considered (is estimated to be) 3-4 months. 

On 24 Jul 2019, she was admitted to the Royal Spirit Hospital due to (after/following) (a) collapse accompanied by overwhelming discomfort and lower limps (limb) oedema** (,) which has been under control by proper treatment. She also experienced a state of anxiety, (and) willing (a desire/willingness) to leave the Hospital. Given to (regarding) her diet, she dines (?)  solid food and tolerates jelly foods and fluids which subsequently causes weakness.

**“oedema” غیرقابل‌شمارش است و نیاز به اسم مفرد به‌عنوان صفت دارد (مثل “chest pain”).

❌ “Given to” اشتباهه چون معنی‌اش” با توجه به” نیست.

She is supported by her brother(,) who requested palliative care options from Social Worker and was advised to (of) the available place at Glan Haven Hospital; therefore, she is (being) transferred via ambulance today.

Please note, she wishes no further treatment (,) only (except) those crucial to maintain comfort.

Considering the above, your follow-up care for this patient would be highly appreciated.

Your sincerely,

Sarina Chai

Nurse

 

• Purpose: 3/3

• Content: 5/7

• Clarity & consciousness: 4/7

• Genre & Style: 5/7

• Organization and layout 5/7

• Language 4/7

  B Overall score: (370)

 

@noushin-norouzian-nezhad