[ali-tavakolioetbook-ir Ali tavakoli]

سلام به همگی، امیدوارم خوب باشین.

بعلت ملی شدن اینترنت فعلآ امکان برگزاری کلاس های اسپیکینگ وجود نداره.

به محض اکی شدن از طریق گروه تلگرام اطلاع رسانی خواهم کرد.

به امید روزهای بهتر

علی توکلی، مدرس اسپیکینگ گروه اُ ای تی بُک

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Sir/ Madam

Re: Ms Patricia Styles 

I am writing to refer Ms Styles, a 62-year-old widow, for urgent assessment and management regarding possible relapse of her pericarditis.

Initially, (when? 23 Aug) she was admitted to Green Valley Hospital a week ago with fever, pleuritic chest pain, general weakness and tachycardia. On observation, she had a blood pressure of 170/106, RR:29, HR:98 and T:39. She had an elevated ESR, CRP and WCC. ECG and throat swab were performed and she was diagnosed with viral influenza type B and pericarditis. Her condition was managed with IV saline and Ibuprofen and she was discharged five days ago.

• her blood pressure was 170/106 mmHg, respiratory rate 29 breaths per minute, heart rate 98 bpm, and temperature 39°C. این موارد در زمان ویزیت اول بیمار کمتر اهمیت داشت و بهتر بود حذف بشن

On examination today (hospital visit? Home nurse?), she is complaining (complained) of chest pain, shortness of breath and fatigue. She has a low-grade fever (38.1), elevated RR (28) and HR (118). Her blood pressure was 128/75 which is slightly below her normal range (140/75). She feels unwell and there are no signs of improvement in her condition.

Regarding her medical history, she has been diagnosed with hypertension, diabetes mellitus and depression, for which she takes several medications. Please refer to (the) attached sheet for full details. She receives regular counselling to control (manage) her mood swings and to maintain a balanced diet. She is a non-smoker and walks 20 minutes every day.

Please do not hesitate to contact me if you require any further information. 

Yours sincerely,

Mohammad Rajaei 

Registered Nurse

• Purpose: 3/3

• Content: 4/7

• Clarity & consciousness: 4/7

• Genre & Style: 4/7

• Organization and layout 6/7

• Language 5/7

  B Overall score: (380)

@M.Rajaei

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Ms Gold

Re: Mr George Gale, 85 years old

✅I am writing regarding Mr Gale, an elderly widower who requires further care at your nursing home following a fall.

Mr Gale was admitted to our hospital on 10 May 2021 due to (with) disorientation and fever following a fall on 9 May 2021. He reported weakness, fell backward and striking his head while brushing his teeth. He also experienced a single episode of vomiting, palpitations and dysuria two weeks earlier. Additionally, confusion and elevated vital signs were detected (noted) on examination. Accordingly, urinary tract infection( UTI ) was diagnosed as the possible cause of his fall.

• بعد از due to باید دلیل مراجعه بیاد که fall هست، نه علائم. پس با with جایگزین کردیم.

• He reported feeling weak before falling

✅Mr Gale was under treatment by (with) IV antibiotics for five days and observations revealed normal vital signs without dizziness and palpitations.

• به‌جای عبارت نسبتاً غیرطبیعی “under treatment by”، از فعل رایج‌تر “was treated with” استفاده شود.

• چون سرگیجه و تپش قلب علائم گزارش‌شده توسط بیمار هستند، بهتر است با فعل “he reported”

• “مشاهدات (بررسی‌ها) علائم حیاتی طبیعی را نشان دادند.” >> درست است که از لحاظ گرامری این جمله اشتباه نیست، اما این ساختار کمی غیر رایج است.

• Rephrased:
  Mr Gale was treated with intravenous antibiotics for five days, during which his vital signs remained stable, and he reported no dizziness or palpitations.

Regarding his background, Mr Gale lives alone and is a social drinker and smoker(10 cigs/day). Additionally he consumes (takes) paracetamol 500 mg 2 tablets 4x/day for Osteoarthritis and Felodipine 5mg 1x/day for Hypertension.

• “Take” is the standard verb for regular medication use.

He is ready to be discharged today. However, it is worth noting that he has to be encouraged to do physical activity 30 minutes every day due to his significant lowered mobility (significantly reduced mobility). He is also experiencing episodes of confusion(,) which requires (require) (further) assessment regarding his ability to live independently.

Kindly, it would be appreciated if you could provide further care and assessments regarding Mr Gale.

Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any further queries.

Charged Nurse

 

• Purpose: 3/3

• Content: 6/7

• Clarity & consciousness: 3/7

• Genre & Style: 4/7

• Organization and layout 5/7

• Language 5/7

  B Overall score: (380)

 

@mahsa-hamzei