[Siavash Zare]

تصحیح رایتینگ های رادیولوژی OET تسک 2

Dear DR. Page

 

Re: Delay in response to ICU request on 01.02.2019

 

As a chief radiographer, I was asked *1* (have been asked) by DR. Quirk to answer *2* the letter of your complaint about a (the) delay in conducting a (the) chest x-ray of an intensive care unit patient on 01.2.2019. I understand you are concerned regarding *3* the possibility of these situations occurring again (the possibility of occurrence of similar situations in the future).😊

 

Responding to ICU requests is a top priority for us and we attempt to respond to their requests as soon as possible, as we have always done. On the mentioned date, unfortunately, one of our staff was sick so we were working with half the staff. 😊

 

According to our records, we received a message from the theatre 5 minutes before we got your message. As it is also an urgent priority for us and needed *4* to be done as soon as possible (to avoid repeating use: without delay, straight away), our in-charged (in-charge) radiographer was in the theatre till 2:40 and he could not leave there until it was finished.✔️ According to our policy calling our on-call radiographer needed to be done 45 minutes before (more formal way to say: prior to) their arrival, so it was not considered.🙃

 

Although this situation is rare, we will reconsider having an alone radiographer on a shift in our weekly committee*5*🤔چه شده؟. Please do not hesitate to contact me with any further questions.

 

Yours sincerely

 

Chief Radiographer

 

*2* better to use more formal words, ex: to respond

*3* it is not grammatically incorrect, however a nice way to say that is: I understand your concern regarding..

*4* tenses are incorrect. You can say: As it was … and needed to be done….

Or  …..as it is … and needs to be done.

*5* This sentence is vague, let’s edit it to: We will reconsider the radiographers’ duties and their on-calls in a way that we handle these circumstances to the best of our ability in the future.

 

Purpose: 3/3

Content: 6/7

Conciseness & Clarity: 5/7

Genre & Style: 5/7

Organisation & Layout: 6/7         

Language: 5/7                  

overall score ~ 350-400 Band B

 

 

[Siavash Zare]

تصحیح رایتینگ های رادیولوژی OET تسک 1

Dr. Tony Milne    

Surgical Register     

City Hospital

Newtown

 

RE: MR. Peter Billings

 

Dear DR. Milne

 

I am writing in response to your letter of complaint about a requested chest x-ray which was not conducted from (for) MR. Billings before his operation, even though you delivered the request form by yourself to show it needed to be done on 04/09/18. I know (informal, use: understand, appreciate) you are concerned (your concern) about happening this kind of situation again. (situations like this happen again)✔️

***a better way to say this is: “similar situations/cases/circumstances/ do not rise again”

 

According to our records, we had tried to conduct his chest x-ray before his operation four times on the same date that we received the order(04/09/18). Our first attempt was on the day at 1 pm.🤔 , Which was cancelled (postponed) because (informal, use: since or as) the patient was being visited. Unfortunately, we have not succeeded in the second one (attempt) also (informal, use: as well) because (As) the patient was not in the ward at 3:15 pm due to some tests. (verb?)✔️

 

The third attempt again was cancelled at 6 pm because the patient was in need of a trolley to be moved and it was (there was) not any in the ward.  Finally, our last attempt was on 4/9/18 at 9;30 pm and (which) we were told (informal) it was (is) too late now by his nurses,and they also said it is ok (very informal) to conduct it on 5/9/18 morning because his operation has been postponed to tomorrow evening❌………(the operation was not postponed)✔️

***Suggest: (the nurse claimed that it is already late and that the patient operation is scheduled for the next day evening. Therefore, the x-ray was postponed to the next morning)

In the future, perhaps more specific information regarding patients’ operation schedules may prevent these situations.✔️

Please do not hesitate to contact me with any further questions.✔️

 

Yours sincerely 

 

Radiographer in charge

Notes:

Try to exchange the informal words (ex: know, tell, say, it is ok!, because, aslo, …) with more formal words. This will highly affect your score.

 

Purpose: 3/3

Content: 5/7 

Conciseness & Clarity: 6/7

Genre & Style: 3/7

Organisation & Layout: 6/7         

Language: 5/7                  

overall score ~ 350-400 Band B

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Re: Mr. Harold Williamson

I am writing to provide you (with) information regarding events prior to Mr Williamson’s examination, on 1 August 2018.

At 9:45, I had a phone call from Emergency unite (Unit) for (about) their patient Alice Stewart, an 85-year-old woman who was found unconscious by her daughter with (a) possible Brain Stroke (full stop “.”) and was ordered brain CT scan (A brain CT scan was ordered), which is (was) regarded as an urgent circumstance. I called (informed) office staff and said patients are waiting and their ordered examination will be delayed, but Mrs Stewart was ready in (the) X-ray unite at 9:55.

Rephrased for better clarity: “I informed the office staff that patients were waiting and that their scheduled examinations would be delayed. Mrs. Stewart was ready in the X-ray unit by 9:55.”

In normal situations, Brain CT scan takes (a) short time, however, because of moving from (the) trolly to (the) CT table (,) which caused Mrs Stewart to be (become) restless, and (the) ordering digital subtraction (,) which required (the) patient to remained (remain “simple form of the verb after “to”) on table, her study took longer time than usual and it finished at 10:38.

As Mrs Stewart’s scan finished (completed “more formal), Mr Williamson’s LSV CT scan, which has less emergency than the former one, started at 10:42 and completed at 11:05. Although I apologised (to) him, I am not sure that he completely accepted my explanation.

If you have any further queries, please feel free to contact me.

Yours sincerely,

Radiographer

• Purpose 3/3

• Content 5/7

• Clarity 4/7

• Genre & Style 3/7

• Organization and layout 5/7

• Language 4/7

  B Overall score: (370)

@hana

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Dr Ryon,

Re: The complaint of Mr. Roger Selman’s wife

I am writing in response to Mrs. Selman(‘s) complaint of (regarding) (the) delay and difficult transfer of her husband to radiology table which was occurred in (the) radiology ward on 07/08/2018.

Mrs. Selman’s concerns about the delay occurred in (the) radiology unite, inappropriate documentation of medical requirements, and the unavailability of (lack of) proper assistance for her husband are entirely (completely) understandable.

Mr. Selman are carried in a weal chair (wheelchair) by his wife to radiology ward* at 10:30 on 07/08/2018 for an x-ray of his thoracic and lumbar spine due to the progression of his multiple sclerosis. When I inquired if (whether) Mr. Selman was able to lie down on (the) table, His wife informed me that he could not stand. Consequently, a hoist and a nurse were requested from (the) orthopedics unite at 10:45, So (and) Mr. Selman and his wife were asked to wait in the waiting room. 

Rephrased:”Mr. Selman was brought to the radiology ward in a wheelchair by his wife”

• Verb tense: Simple past (passive)

• Verb: bring to (آوردن)

• Word order in sentence:

Finally, after half an hour, the assistants came (arrived: more formal). However, due to the nurse being unfamiliar (nurse’s unfamiliarity) with transferring the patient (patient transferring), Mrs. Selman had to cooperate, and transferring was done successfully.

Having done (After completing: more formal) the procedure, I wrote some notes to (the) referral specialist** regarding more organized data about (the) patient’s incapability and some requirements for assistance (hoist, nurse, …) in order to reduce delays and more comfortable services.

*Rephrased:”“After completing the procedure, I made a note to the referral specialist detailing the patient’s needs and requirements for assistance (such as a hoist or nurse) to improve service efficiency and reduce delays. “

I hope this piece of information will help you with your response (in addressing) to this complaint.

If you need any further clarification, please feel free to contact me.

Yours sincerely,

Radiographer

 

• Purpose 2.5/3

• Content 6/7

• Clarity 4/7

• Genre & Style 4/7

• Organization and layout 5/7

• Language 4/7

  B Overall score: (350)

@hana

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

 

Dear Ms. French,

Re: Mr. Brand Jenkins, Aged 47

I am writing to provide you with information regarding ribcage x-ray cancellation and its rescheduling of Mr. Jenkin, a 47-year-old man, who has (a) history of psychiatric disorder with possible broken ribs.

Rephrased: I am writing to inform you about the cancellation and rescheduling of Mr. Jenkin's ribcage x-ray.  ( به ترتیب و جایگاه کلمات در این جمله دقت کنید)

Due to his psychological condition, the chief Radiographer, Mrs. Hilda Vickers, requested to make special arrangements prior to his procedure, at 2:00 p.m. These requirements (arrangements?) include the presence of  one radiographer and one non-radiation assistant, either orderly one or from another ward, during the examination and the patient should not be alone or(?) with only one staff, under any circumstances.

Rephrased: either an orderly or a staff member from another ward

Rephrased: and that under no circumstances should the patient be left alone (passive)

Immediate assistance was requested via an urgent pager, at 2:25 p.m., but no assistance was available for approximately 1 hour. Although Mr. Jenkin and his psychiatric nurse were informed about postponement, this delay caused Mr. Jenkin to become agitated and he started throwing (the) waiting room’s chair and (.) A security was then called. So (as a result), the x-ray has been supposed to be rescheduled (was rescheduled) to tomorrow (for the following day),  based on Mrs. Finn’s (who is Mrs Finn?)  advice in terms of allowing the patient to be calmer.(to calm down)

شروع این پاراگراف خوب نیست. بعد از پاراگراف قبل که در مورد تمهیدات قبل از انجام عکسبرداری بیمار صحبت شد. ناگهان پاراگراف با جمله " درخواست کمک" آغاز شده و هیچ اشاره ای نشده که بیمار امروز برای عکس برداری اومده و اون اتفاق ها افتاده.

Please ensure that the chief Radiographer’s instructions are followed and a security guard should also be present during examination.

Rephrased: and that a security guard is present

If you require any further clarification, please feel free to contact me.

Yours sincerely,

Radiographer.

• Purpose 2/3

• Content 5/7

• Clarity 3/7

• Genre & Style 4/7

• Organization and layout 3/7

• Language 4/7

  C+ Overall score: (315)

@hana

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Ms. French,

Re: X-ray cancellation and rescheduling of Mr. Brad Jenkins

I am writing to provide you with information about ribcage x-ray rescheduling of Mr. Jenkins, a 47-year-old man, with a history of psychological disorder who (was) referred for an x-ray on 30/08/2019 due to severe bruising on his ribs and the possibility of ribs’ fracture. (rib fractures)

Mr. Jenkins was accompanied with (by) a psychiatric nurse, Mrs. Finn, in order to support (manage) him due to the potential for aggressive behavior. Mrs. Finn was advised to be covered with appropriate shielding and support Mr. Jenkins in a safe way.

The chief Radiographer, Mrs. Hilda Vickers, requested specific measures to ensure safety, prior to Mr. Jenkins’ procedure. Firstly, the patient should not be left alone or with an only staff (with only one staff); both a radiographer and a non-radiation staff member, either an available non-radiation worker or an orderly staff from another ward should be present in x-ray room; however, no one was available. An urgent pager requested immediate assistance, but no worker was accessible (available) for approximately one hour.

Mr. Jenkins and his nurse were informed of the postponement which caused him (Pt or Nurse?) to became (to become: infinitive form after “to”) agitated and started (start) throwing chairs of (the) waiting room. As a result, a security guard then called. Eventually, we decided to postpone his examination to the following day, based on Mrs. Finn’s advice that the delay can make Mr. Jenkins calm down.

• To become and start:  infinitive form after “to” = applies to both verbs

Please make sure that all Mrs. Vickers’s instructions are followed carefully and a security guard also must (must also) be present during examination.

I hope this clarification can (will) help you with Mr. Jenkin’s procedure.

If you need any further queries, please do not hesitate to contact me,

Yours sincerely,

Radiographer

Total Words: 250

• Too wordy

• Not summarized appropriately

 

• Purpose 2.5/3

• Content 4/7

• Clarity 5/7

• Genre & Style 5/7

• Organization and layout 4/7

• Language 5/7

  B Overall score: (360)

@hana

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Dr. Jones,

Re: X-ray Cancellation and Rescheduling of Mrs. Penny Long,

I am writing in response to the complaint of Mrs. Long, a 31-year-old woman, who initially underwent an x-ray on 01/06/2019 and she was diagnosed with a bony protuberance in her lower distal of humerus. Due to this abnormality, her doctor requested a follow-up x-ray, approximately 3 months later.

According to the ward’s document, Mrs. Long’s follow-up x-ray was scheduled for 11:00 a.m. ,on 29/08/2019; however, an emergency condition for Mr. Mal Brown, a 65-year-old man with a complaint of chest pain and nausea at 10:30 caused the appointment of Mrs. Long’s x-ray and that of the patient before, Mrs. Betty Freeman, to be postponed. Although, all patients had been offered the option to come back later, Mrs. Long refused.

Summarized:
According to the ward’s documents, Mrs. Long’s follow-up x-ray was scheduled for 11:00 a.m. on 29/08/2019; however, her appointment was postponed due to an emergency situation involving another patient , Mrs. Betty Freeman. Although all patients were offered the option to return later, Mrs. Long declined.

Mrs. Long requested that her procedure took (take: reported speech back-shifting**) priority over Mrs. Freeman’s x-ray, but she was explained that her request is not possible, at 11:30. Mrs. Freeman’s procedure took longer than normal occasions (longer than usual) due to being very slow (what was slow?), a great deal of assistance to get ready and repeated one projection because of motion artefact.

• Incorrect: I suggested that he went to the doctor.

• Correct: I suggested that he go to the doctor.

• Incorrect: she was explained that…

• Correct: it was explained to her that / she was informed that

Rephrase:
Mrs. Long requested that her procedure take priority over Mrs. Freeman’s x-ray, but she was informed that her request was not possible. Mrs. Freeman’s procedure took longer than usual due to her slow preparation, requiring a great deal of assistance, and that one projection had to be repeated.

Mrs. Long was unsatisfied (dissatisfied) owing to the long delay and she was then asked whether she is pregnant or not prior to her x-ray and **she confirmed four weeks pregnancy. As a result, her examination was cancelled after discussing the potential high risks of x-ray for her condition. Eventually, she was referred back to her doctor.

• Owing to: not common in medical writing

• “She confirmed that she was four weeks pregnant.”

• “She confirmed her pregnancy at four weeks.”

I hope this clarification will help you with your response to Mrs. Long’s complaint.

If you need any further queries, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Yours sincerely,

Radiographer.

Total Words: 242

• Too wordy

• Not summarized appropriately

• Highlighted notes can be omitted

• Purpose 2.5/3

• Content 4/7

• Clarity 3/7

• Genre & Style 4/7

• Organization and layout 5/7

• Language 4/7

  C+ Overall score: (325)

@hana

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Mrs. Rose,

I am writing in response to your letter of complaint. I completely understand your concerns about the unnecessity of your second chest X-ray since you felt better and you wish your refund request should have been accepted.

Rephrased: I completely understand your concerns about feeling that the second chest X-ray was unnecessary

Rephrased: since you were feeling better

According to my notes, you had been initially referred to the radiology ward for taking a chest x-ray in order to diagnose possible pneumonia in your left lung, on 01/08/2018. Five days later, you were prescribed a follow-up chest x-ray after taking medication(.) so as to check whether the infection was still present or not, as pneumonia is a kind of infection which leads to the lungs’ inflammation and it can be still present while you feel better after taking antibiotics.

Rephrase: to check if the infection was still present.

Chest x-ray is regarded as (considered) the best procedure to diagnose (assess) the area infected by pneumonia, the extent of infection and pneumonia’s complications.

(Finally,Unfortunately) Based on the billing policy for non-hospital patients, unfortunately, referral patients cannot be refunded for the procedures which have already been performed.

I hope this clarification will help you with your concerns,

If you need any further information, please feel free to contact me.

Yours sincerely,

Radiographer  

• Purpose 3/3

• Content 6/7

• Clarity 3/7

• Genre & Style 5/7

• Organization and layout 5/7

• Language 5/7

  B Overall score: (380)

@hana

[Siavash Zare]

 

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Dr. Leah,

Re: The lumbar x-ray’s request of Mr. Max Smith

I am writing to provide information regarding (a patient of yours) Mr. Smith, one of your patients, (a) 54-year-old male with a history of consistent lower back pain for the past five months. He has undergone 2 lumbar x-rays, separately, on 01/01/2021 and 3 (three) months later.

After Verifying Mr. Smith’s identification and his medical history, I confirmed that he has undergone (underwent) 2 (two) x-ray procedures which (both of which) showed no signs of pathologies (pathology). Additionally, Mr. Smith expressed (reported) no changes in his condition during this period. Given these factors, along with no (without requesting) new position view (radiographic view/imaging position or technique) request (such as oblique view) and the radiologist’s consultation (consulting with radiologist), I advised him that the repetitive x-ray (a repeat X-ray) seems unnecessary; however, he angrily argued that the new radiograph is crucial for his appropriate treatment.

Initially, Mr. Smith expressed his uncertainty (was uncertain) over (about) providing accessibility for you (providing you access) to his previous doctors’ records, (.) but (,) after I explained the hazards of excessive x-ray exposure, he gave his consent for you to access his medical images archived by his former doctor. (he consented to your access to his previous medical images.)

I hope this information will assist you with Mr. Smith’s concerns and treatment.

 If you need any further questions, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Yours faithfully,

Radiographer

جملات رو خیلی ساده تر می تونید بنویسید ولی اکثرا سخت و wordy هستند. کلمات اضافی رو حذف کنید. این سبک نوشتن هم سخت تره هم احتمال خطا رو میبره بالا. هم خوانایی کمتری داره و نمره کمتری میگیره.

• Purpose 3/3    

• Content 6/7    

• Clarity 4/7    

• Genre & Style 3/7    

• Organization and layout 5/7    

• Language 4/7    

  B Overall score: (370)

@989165210174

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Mr Wong,

Re: Mr Harold Williamson

✅I am writing to explain the circumstances surrounding the delay of (in) performing Mr Williamson’s CT-Scan on 01/08/2018.

✅Mr Williamson was scheduled for a lumbar spine CT-Scan at 10:00 am. However, his procedure was postponed due to an emergency brain CT-Scan that needed to be performed (was required) for Ms Alice Stewart, an 85-year-old unconscious female with a suspected CVA. It is clear that she was the top priority due to her life-threatening condition. The patients waiting to undergo CT-Scan were informed regarding (of) the delay.

✅Although the urgent cases required prompt attention, unforeseen occurrences (circumstances/events/situtations) could affect adversely*. After transferring Ms Stewart from the trolley to the CT table, she became unstable for a short period, which caused a delay in commencing the procedure. Subsequently, Mr Williamson’s scan was postponed for approximately 40 minutes(,) which made him dissatisfied.

• may have an adverse impact: more natural

• leading to his dissatisfaction.

✅I completely understand (that) such experiences are unfavorable for the patients, however I hope this explanation clarifies the situation.

Yours sincerely

Shamim

Radiographer

رایتینگ شما عالی بود، اما یکم جزئیات بیشتری را شامل می کردید بهتر بود.

• Purpose: 3/3

• Content: 4/7

• Clarity & consciousness: 5/7

• Genre & Style: 6/7

• Organization and layout 6/7

• Language 6/7

  B Overall score: (410)

 

@Shamim

[Siavash Zare]

 ▇Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Dr Milne,

Re: Mr. Peter Billings

I am writing this letter regarding Mr Peter Billings’ Chest X-ray, which wasn’t captured (obtained) before his surgery. Please allow me to explain what happened (the events) on the day which you requested that X-ray and the day after that.(the following day)

• Capture: not incorrect, but it is not clinical

According to the patient transport log date on 04/Sep’ (4 September) afternoon, I should tell you that we attempted about 4 times to conduct Mr.Billings’ CXR: (at) 1 pm, 3:15 (pm), 6 (pm), and 9:30 (pm). But each time, for some reason, we couldn’t perform his CXR.

• “should tell you” >> “would like to inform you”

• “about 4 times” >> “on four separate occasions”

• “for some reason” >> “for some reason”

• >> “it was not possible to complete the procedure”

In the first try, he was in consultation with his doctor. Then in the second try, he wasn’t (was not) on the ward, because (as) he had a test at that time. (on) The third time, the patient required a trolley, which was unavailable. Finally, in our last try, the nurses wouldn’t let the patient come down, and they said (stated) they scheduled him for tomorrow (05/Sep). (Tomorrow morning, as the operation is planned for the afternoon.)

• First try/time >> first attempt/occasion:more formal

Unfortunately, we weren’t (were not) informed that the operation’s time is when😱 (of the exact time of the operation). As a result, we acted by what the ward told us. (based on the information provided by the ward staff.)

In the future, we will do our duty regarding the patient’s operation schedule and will ensure the accuracy of the ward staff’s information to avoid repetition of this situation. (Provide operation time on request)

 Yours sincerely,

 Radiographer

عمده ایرادات وارد، عدم رعایت اصل فرمال و حرفه ای بودن نامه است. موارد ذکر شده عمدتا غیر رسمی و بازگردانی فارسی به انگلیسی هستند که در زبان نوشتار رسمی کاربرد ندارند. پیشنهاد میشه جلسات کورس رایتینگ و همچنین دروس و تمارین آن را مرور کنید.

• Purpose: 3/3

• Content: 6/7

• Clarity & consciousness: 3/7

• Genre & Style: 3/7

• Organization and layout 4/7

• Language 4/7

  B Overall score: (350) با اندکی ارفاق

 

@444428712256

[نیلوفر فربخش]

خیلی ممنون ازتون🙏

[Siavash Zare]

▇ Errors     ▇ Suggestions   ▇ Rephrased

Dear Dr Ryan,

Re: Mr Roger Selman DOB 22/05/1967

✅I am writing to explain the circumstances surrounding the Selman family’s dissatisfaction regarding the patient service provided during their recent visit.(paragraph break) Mr Selman is a 51-year-old male patient with a known history of multiple sclerosis, who attended our radiology department on 07 August 2018 to undergo (for) a post-operative X-rays of his thoracic and lumbar spine. He was accompanied by his wife, Mrs Katrina Selman. Unfortunately, a couple of occurrences led to her disappointment.

✅On the day in question, Mr Selman arrived at the radiology department in a wheelchair at 10:30 am. As he needed to be transferred to the table for imaging, we were informed by his wife (his wife informed us) that he was non-ambulatory. At 10:45 am, a request was sent to the orthopedic department for a hoist and an assistant (assisting nurse) nurse. The patient and his wife were asked to return to the waiting room. Eventually, the procedure was completed 30 minutes later with difficult coordination (some difficulty in coordinating) between the nurse and Mrs Selman.

✅It is entirely understandable that Mrs Selman expected the nurse to be more professional in using the hoist, and she expected us to be aware of the patient’s limitations in advance. To prevent such (similar) situations, a note was sent to the referring specialist requesting (that) comprehensive information be included in future referrals. I hope this explanation clarifies the situation.

Yours sincerely Radiographer

• Purpose: 3/3

• Content: 6/7

• Clarity & consciousness: 5/7

• Genre & Style: 5/7

• Organization and layout 4/7

• Language 5/7

  B Overall score: (400)

 

@Shamim